


A Handful of Shenanigans

by AHandWriter



Category: Super Smash Brothers
Genre: Anime References, Breaking the Fourth Wall, Gen, I Can't Believe I Wrote This, Implied Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (?), Interviews, Lampshade Hanging, Mild Blood, Mild Language, Octo Expansion DLC Spoilers, References to other video games, Screenplay/Script Format, Smash Mansion but some people get kicked out for a while because of in-universe reasons, Take a drink every time Master Hand says "I am Master Hand" or a variation of the phrase appears, Technically almost every named character is a butt-monkey, The Hands go meta, Weirdness, actually written a long time ago in 2018, but especially Walhart, implied alcohol use, mentions of the Subspace Emissary, some suggestive content but it's quite tame, specifically Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex (why not?)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-23
Updated: 2019-04-11
Packaged: 2019-11-07 08:32:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 13
Words: 33,590
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17957162
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AHandWriter/pseuds/AHandWriter
Summary: Everyone who has interacted with a piece of fiction has a favorite character, sometimes to the point where we wish to meet and talk to them in person. It’s… something else when you actually get into an interview with one. A Super Smash Bros. fanfic in the style of a script (because I wanted to try it), with some characters from other series, particularly from Fire Emblem Awakening. References and gags galore. All characters save for a certain few are originally from Nintendo and related companies. Rated T for mild language, descriptions of fantasy/cartoon violence, mild blood, mild suggestive themes, and an alcohol reference.





	1. Love Lives

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The interviewer interviews Walhart about his love life. Hilarity ensues.

_(Location: a considerably large room that has a resemblance to a typical talk show setting, with two large couches, a low coffee table, overhead lighting, a door, and other items usually associated with living rooms (strangely, no live cameras or audience). Time: ambiguous, but apparently at some time in the year 2018 (or not). Events and characters: an interviewer is interviewing Emperor Walhart of Valm. He is a large, older, white-haired man in red armor, from_ Fire Emblem Awakening. _Both are seated on opposite couches.)_

 **Interviewer:** _(blinks and reads a letter quietly, then looks up to Walhart)_ Uh, hey. So apparently certain characters like you from the video game _Fire Emblem Awakening_ are called “Robinsexuals”, just like certain characters in _Fire Emblem Fates_ are called “Corrinsexuals”. Why is it that you only have a support chain with the Avatar, or, as they’re typically called, Robin? Like, why can you get an S-Support with the female version of Robin and marry her?

 **Walhart:** _(confused)_ I presume that these “video games” are games that have come from another world. As for what _Fire Emblem Awakening_ and _Fire Emblem Fates_ are, I do not completely follow you. 

 **Interviewer:** _Awakening_ is basically a game in the _Fire Emblem_ video game series that’s about you guys—the Shepherds, I mean—and you guys going off to fight people for a variety of reasons only to lead into fighting against what is sometimes called the “Big Bad”, Grima. Oh, and _Fates_ is another game in the series that’s pretty much the same, except there’s a half-dragon named Corrin, two kingdoms at war with each other, and Corrin gets to choose which side to fight with. But I’m here to talk with _you_ , right? 

 **Walhart:** Yes. And what have you called me again?

 **Interviewer:** A “Robinsexual”. 

 **Walhart:** Pray tell me, what exactly is that?

 **Interviewer:** It means you can only support and have special conversations in the game with Robin after you’re recruited, and if Robin is female and isn’t married to someone else, _you_ can get an S-Support with her, marry her, and have a son named Morgan.

_(She shows Walhart a screen on a 3DS that displays his support conversations; the S-Support is highlighted.)_

See? It means that you’ve married her, at least in one playthrough of the game. 

_(Female Robin and Male Robin enter through a door. They are both somewhat young, white-haired tacticians in dark hooded longcoats and boots.)_

**Female Robin:** Hi, Walhart! And, um… _(surprised)_ Oh, an interview. What’s it about? Can I join in?

 **Interviewer and Walhart:** No.

 **Male Robin:** Why am I even here? I need to be with my wife and my daughter Morgan—

 **Interviewer:** Shut up. Did you know that some people right now would want you to… be with Chrom?

 **Male Robin:** Oh, really?

 **Interviewer:** Yes, really.

 **Male Robin:** Hmm… I wonder why he really needs to see me immediately. I’ll leave right now, then. _(leaves)_

_(For about two minutes, there’s a silence in the room.)_

**Female Robin:** Okay, this is just getting really weird. I’m talking about the awkward silence, by the way. _(to Walhart)_ Good luck with the interview, Walhart! _(blushes, then leaves)_

 **Walhart:** _(briefly turns red, to interviewer)_ We have digressed, haven’t we?

 **Interviewer:** Yep. Now I wonder… _(whispering)_ You’re blushing because you only have the hots for her, right?

 **Walhart:** _(somewhat annoyed)_ What? If you are thinking about my relationship with the female tactician… I-I assure you I did _not_ turn red because I have any feelings for her.

 **Interviewer:** Oh, come on. You didn’t just “turn red” _(air quotes gesture)_ for no reason. You were obviously blushing after _she_ blushed and left. _And_ you stuttered too. So admit it, you love her and no one else.

 **Walhart:** _(sternly)_ I would prefer that you leave at this moment.

 **Interviewer:** _(stands up and slowly backs away)_ Why? Because I was trying to understand the logic of only having supports with a main character and your potential child and no one else? You weren’t interested in any other members of the Valmese army like Pheros, were you? And you’ve never even gotten nosebleeds or something like that? _(under breath)_ Ugh, great, now I’d hate to picture _you_ of all people having those…

 **Walhart:** _(turns red)_ THAT’S NONE OF YOUR CONCERN!

_(He whistles and an armored horse comes running through the door. He gets on it, and pulls out Wolf Berg from somewhere, probably from hammerspace.)_

Throughout this pathetic interview, I have restrained myself from trying to kill you, but it seems your persistence for an answer to a ridiculous question leaves me no choice.

 **Interviewer:** _(eyes widening in fear)_ Um… w-we can deal with this with diplomacy, right? No need to—

 _(She pulls out a phone from a pocket and goes to Youtube. She types in_ “fire emblem awakening mastermind” _in the search box and plays it, all in a matter of seconds. Walhart charges and prepares to attack the interviewer with Wolf Berg, and time seemingly slows down for dramatic effect.)_

 _(whispering to self)_ Dang, I totally blew this one.

_(The interviewer notices a strange looking card on the table that says “Outrealms Card: Use to summon or banish people into another world. Say 'Outrealms Card, go!' and throw it somewhere to create a portal.” She immediately grabs it.)_

Don’t have many options, though. _(holding the card up)_ Outrealms Card, go!

 _(The interviewer throws the card in Walhart’s direction. It enlarges and turns into a bright, glowing portal that Walhart charges straight into and disappears, and the interviewer stops the music on her phone.)_  

 _(sighs in relief)_ When in doubt, the Outrealms is usually the answer. _(cocks head in confusion)_ But why do I even have that with me… ? 

_(There are hurried footsteps. A white-haired teenage boy bursts into the room, wearing clothes similar to the ones worn by the tacticians from earlier.)_

**?:** Excuse me, but have you seen someone that’s tall _(raises an arm to a height of about 6 feet tall then drops it),_ wears red armor, has a horse, and an axe called the Wolf Berg?

 **Interviewer:** _(turns around, surprised)_ Yeah—oh! You must be Morgan, right?

 **Morgan:** Yes. Do you know where a man named Walhart went?

 **Interviewer:** _(points a thumb to the portal behind her)_ Over there. Probably went to another world that way.

 **Morgan:** Oh, thanks. _(to portal)_ I’m coming after you, Dad! _(runs and disappears through the portal)_

 **Interviewer:** _(stares into portal in disbelief)_ That was… your dad?

_(She walks to a wall and slides down to sit on the floor with her head down.)_

_(mumbling)_ Why does my life have to be so weird?


	2. Thinking Up Portals

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The interviewer tries to interview Walhart again, only for a portal to take him away out of the session. Meanwhile, someone rather handy shows up unexpectedly. Title references the “Thinking With Portals” tagline for the Portal video game series, as well as the name of a trope.

_(Time: 30 minutes later after the interviewer fell asleep.)_

Interviewer: _(partially awake)_ Ugh… g'morning… _(eyes widen upon seeing Walhart with his horse in the room)_ W-wait, what? _(looks around)_ I'm—you're still here?! I thought I—ugh, never mind. At least you look okay.

 **Walhart:** _(getting off the horse, which leaves the room)_ Indeed, I am. But please refrain from sending me to another dimension in the future. I simply do not have the patience for such questions, and I will ensure that I won't hold back from killing you if you ask such things again.

 **Interviewer:** _(rubs back of head sheepishly)_ Okay, okay! Yeah, sorry about that. I won't do it again. _(mumbling to self)_ How did you even get back here? _(looks back up to Walhart and chuckles awkwardly)_ Hey, um… I guess we can go ahead and continue our interview? I promise I won't ask anything similar to what I've asked you earlier.

 **Walhart:** Yes. Let us proceed.

_(Both sit down on the two opposing couches, and the interviewer grabs a pencil and notepad on the table nearby.)_

**Interviewer:** Okay, better be more professional this time… _(deep breath)_ I'm just going to ask you a few questions, and I'll allow you to decline answering them if you feel that I'm unintentionally touching a nerve, m'kay? Agreed?

 **Walhart:** _(nods)_ Agreed.

 **Interviewer:** Okay! _(claps hands and rubs them together)_ All right, so I've got a bunch of letters here _(gestures to a pile of envelopes on a table between the couches)_ that seem to be from a whole slew of people that are from the _Fire Emblem_  community…

_(She takes some of the envelopes from the pile.)_

Oh! These look good, and they're addressed to you as well. _(takes one of the envelopes and opens it)_ This one says: “I've heard that you call Female Robin your 'star'. Why do you call her that?”

 **Walhart:** She, in particular, is the one that has guided me toward the fulfillment of my dream when I've been left to wander in the dark. She also possesses a certain beauty, which I believe comes from her mind and strength. _(sighs)_ It is a nickname that I have bestowed upon those that deserve my utmost respect and… my affection. _(looks away, briefly blushes)_

 **Interviewer:** _(writes on notepad)_ Interesting, and I'm not gonna push it further than that 'cause I don't want to get ourselves into trouble again. _(takes another envelope and opens it)_ This one says: “Are you related to Alm, and to an extent, Rudolf in any way?”

 **Walhart:** As far as I am aware, I am not. Why have they asked?

 **Interviewer:** They say you look like Rudolf, or rather he has been redesigned to look like you. _(notices Walhart, who looks confused)_ Oh wait, I need to explain this better don't I? Well, remember when I told you about the _Fire Emblem_ video game series?

 **Walhart:** Yes.

 **Interviewer:** So one of the games released from that series is called _Fire Emblem Echoes: Shadows of Valentia_ , which is considered by others to be a remake or reboot of _Fire Emblem Gaiden_ , which is the second game in the series to be released. Too bad _Gaiden_ could only be obtained legitimately in Japan, though. Anyway, it takes place in a continent called Valentia, which would be later called Valm in honor of Alm. Sound familiar?

 **Walhart:** _(clearly intrigued)_ Yes.

 **Interviewer:** Right. Now in Shadows of Valentia, Emperor Rudolf looks so much like you, that people think that you two must be related. See?

 _(She pulls up her phone and shows a picture of_ Shadows of Valentia _Rudolf and_ Gaiden _Rudolf.)_

Come on, I mean, look at Rudolf as he was depicted in _Shadows of Valentia_ , then the one from _Gaiden_. I mean, why would they change his appearance when they could’ve just left him as he was before? And you and Alm have done things that were similar to each other too, like uniting the continent through conquest and ruling over it. It’s pretty suspect if you ask me.

 **Walhart:** You've presented an interesting question, but the fact stands that there is no solid or official proof that I am directly related to the ancient hero and his father, despite our similarities. My apologies for providing you with scant information.

 **Interviewer:** _(sighs, writes on notepad)_ That's all right. Maybe I should conduct an investigation on this. _(mumbling)_ Seriously, Intelligent Systems, can you at least say something about this?

_(Takes another envelope, opens it, and reads it silently at first.)_

What… _(squints)_ “Do you know why you're always going to be second to the Major?” What's that supposed to mean—

_(Walhart and the couch he was sitting on disappear into a portal that opened up underneath them, which closes and disappears as suddenly as it appeared.)_

_(jaw drops)_ What.

_(Another portal appears, with a giant, floating right hand wearing a white glove coming out of it.)_

**?:** _(in a low, smooth baritone coming from somewhere)_ Have you seen my brother?

 **Interviewer:** _(annoyed yet a little scared)_ Look, I've just lost the person I'm supposed to interview _again_ , and now I'm really ticked off and have to deal with you too. _(sighs)_ Anyway, who are you? What do you want from me?

 **?:** I am Master Hand. You know, from the _Super Smash Bros._ series?

 **Interviewer:** _(surprised)_ Oh yeah! I remember you! You're the final boss of Classic Mode, right?

 **Master Hand:** YEP! _(forms into a thumbs-up gesture)_ I'm also the Announcer, though only a few believe that. After all, we have the same voice.

 **Interviewer:** Wait, you're the announcer for _Smash_ too? But in _Smash for Wii U and 3DS_ , I hear someone announcing the match against you.

 **Master Hand:** _(“shrugging” gesture)_ You may choose to believe it that way. Some don’t, but I don’t complain because it doesn’t make too much of a difference. And I _may_ have made personal announcements of myself and my brother for those particular matches so I can introduce ourselves more… properly. Again, do you know if you’ve seen him?

 **Interviewer:** _(shakes head)_ No. Why?

 **Master Hand:** Your interviewee has disappeared, yes? _(the interviewer nods)_ Do you remember what happened before that?

 **Interviewer:** Well, I was reading one of these _(points to the pile of letters)_ , and then, all of a sudden, Walhart went through a portal that opened up underneath him. Weird, huh?

 **Master Hand:** _(as if stroking an invisible chin)_ Interesting… You are referring to Walhart the Conqueror, yes?

 **Interviewer:** Yeah. How did you know that?

 **Master Hand:** Through a few certain fighters that have been invited to the fourth _Smash_ Tournament. Anyway, I believe that the letter you’re referring to has somehow been tampered by someone who has a bizarre sense of humor.

 **Interviewer:** _(puts hands up as if under arrest)_ It’s not me.

 **Master Hand:** _(chuckles)_ I’ve never said that it was you. I can tell that you are sane enough to not tamper with a letter like that by using a curse or device or anything of that sort. No, it has to be someone _crazy_ or stupid enough to want to interfere with your interview, like my brother. _(sighs)_ I’ll find and deal with him. _(creates a portal)_ Oh, and I’ll find your interviewee friend too.

 **Interviewer:** Wait! How do you know it was—

_(Master Hand enters the portal and disappears.)_

—your brother? _(sighs)_  

_(Later, the interviewer has drunk at least two cups of coffee and taken a few naps.)_

_(A portal appears, and two men emerge from it. Both are tall and look somewhat old. One has neat and short white hair and looks similar to voice actor Pat Cashman. He is wearing a white business suit and a black tie with a gray Smash Ball design on it, black dress shoes, and has a white glove on his right hand. The other man is more muscular, wears all black and has his long, white hair tied back into a ponytail. The man in white has his arms crossed and looks annoyed, while the man in black looks confused and briefly stumbles for a second.)_

**Interviewer:** _(bewildered)_ Uh, who are you guys?

 **Man in white:** _(_ _in a low, smooth baritone)_ I’m sorry for taking so long. I had to deal with my brother with a few laser beams from my fingers and get this man out of that multiverse, which had a very weak link to this one, as far as I know.

 **Interviewer:** _(blinks)_ Wait… are you… Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** I had to disguise myself as a human in that universe, lest I alerted and frightened anyone from seeing my true appearance. 

 **Interviewer:** What was it like there?

 **Master Hand:** It looked like a futuristic Japanese city, though I can’t be too sure. I was in a hurry to find him, but apparently a government agency that calls itself Section 9 tried to gun us down, thinking I was kidnapping or setting up an impostor of one of their members. I don’t know. But I do remember a few other things.

 **Interviewer:** Like what?

 **Master Hand:** Close your eyes and see for yourself.

_(The interviewer gives him a confused stare.)_

Don’t worry, I’m just going to project what I saw there into your mind. Be prepared though, just in case you see something scary.

 **Interviewer:** Okay…

 _(She closes her eyes and sees a city with tall buildings and skyscrapers at night, gunfire and explosions, blue spider-like robots/tanks, and two men running into a portal, which closes and disappears as soon as they enter it. The scene turns white, and the interviewer opens her eyes.)_  

Well, that was intense. What was that all about?

 **Master Hand:** According to my multiverse guidebook, we just came back from the Anime Multiverse, specifically a place called the _Ghost in the Shell_ : _Stand Alone Complex_ ‘verse.

 **Man in black:** _(mumbles angrily)_ Will you release me from these, you dastard?

_(He indicates his hands behind him, which are bound with strange, violet chains.)_

**Master Hand:** Oh, sorry about that. _(snaps fingers, chains disappear)_ Are you all right, Walhart?

 **Walhart:** _(irritated)_ Yes, I’m all right. And you are… ?

 **Master Hand:** I am Master Hand. I’ve brought you here after you’ve been accidentally transported to another universe far away from here. 

 **Interviewer:** Wait, how do you know he’s Walhart, Master Hand? Are you sure he’s not someone you accidentally took from that universe? I mean, he looks different.

 **Master Hand:** Of course it’s him. I’ve read his mind, and there was nothing unusual about it.

 **Interviewer:** Huh? What do you mean?

 **Master Hand:** Apparently you can hack into people in that universe and make them do things they don’t want to do, like punching themselves in the face. It probably has something to do with being turned into a cyborg and having the ability to access the Internet through an implant in your brain. You can ask him questions yourself if you’re still skeptical, but he’s the real deal.

 **Interviewer:** Wow, this universe you’re talking about is quite interesting. But yeah… _(clears throat, to Walhart)_ So, do you remember the Valmese Empire, Valm, or anything else?

 **Walhart:** _(confused)_ Only the slightest notion of them.

 **Master Hand:** _(to interviewer)_ Sorry, he’s… “not at the moment”, so to speak. Don’t worry though, dizziness and briefly forgetting a few things are common problems from traveling between universes, especially if they are far apart from each other. It wears off after a while, and after you travel so many times you eventually get used to it and don’t experience those symptoms anymore.

 **Walhart:** But I recall someone whose appearance and voice were remarkably similar to mine. Whether it was another version of myself from that world, a figment of my imagination, or someone else entirely unknown I cannot tell, nor do I understand it.

 **Interviewer:** Really? That’s weird…

_(Female Robin and Morgan enter the room.)_

**Female Robin:** What’s going on here? I’ve been told that Walhart was accidentally transported into another world again.

 **Morgan:** _(looks at Walhart and Master Hand)_ Who are you? Where’s my father?

 **Interviewer and Master Hand:** _(give each other uncertain looks, to Robin and Morgan)_ You’re looking at him.

 **Morgan:** _(confused)_ But how? What happened to my dad? Is he okay?

 **Robin:** You can’t be serious. Who knows what could’ve happened out there! He could have gotten himself killed! _(squints at Walhart)_ And he looks different too.

 **Interviewer:** I know Robin. It’s a long story, but it really is him. He’s just forgotten a few things for a bit, and somehow he doesn’t have his armor and got into these new clothes when he was stuck in a faraway universe. But I think this can be sorted out.

_(She looks and gestures with her head to a corner in the room to Master Hand, who nods, and walks away with him.)_

**Robin:** I see… _(to Walhart)_ You don’t look too bad, dear.

_(She looks down and covers her face.)_

But you know, I was so worried about you. It’s as if you’ve been gone for hours…

 **Walhart:** _(confused)_ And you must be…

 **Robin:** _(takes hands off from her face)_ Robin. I’m your wife, remember? And this is our son, Morgan. _(pats Morgan on the back, then frowns)_ Oh gods, don’t tell me you have amnesia…

 **Morgan:** Oh, Dad! _(rushes over and gives Walhart a hug)_ Listen, I don’t care what happened. I was so scared when I heard that you disappeared again, and I just wanted us to be fine and happy and all. Maybe we should go home after this too.

_(He walks and sits on the remaining spot on the couch with Walhart and Robin.)_

_(Meanwhile, near the wall opposite of where Walhart, Robin, and Morgan are sitting, the interviewer and Master Hand are speaking to each other.)_

**Interviewer:** They really care for him, huh?

_(Master Hand snaps his fingers on his right hand, and he transforms into his hand form in a bright flash of light.)_

**Master Hand:** Indeed. It amazes me that he has a few people to call family, considering what he was like before. And to think that Robin is married to him… _That_ also surprised me.

 **Interviewer:** Yep. What a family. But I guess I can say that for just about everyone else in _Fire Emblem Awakening_.

_(There’s a long pause as they watch the trio talk with each other about something.)_

**Interviewer:** So… where’s Walhart’s armor and the other couch?

_(There’s another long period of silence between them, and the interviewer gives Master Hand an annoyed stare.)_

They’re still in the _Stand Alone Complex_ universe, aren’t they? Aren’t you the Hand of Creation or something like that?

 **Master Hand:** _(annoyed)_ Don’t tell me— _(sighs)_ You should know that I’ve used a lot of my power to get there because it had a very weak link to this multiverse. And I can’t just recreate things on a whim, because that uses up some of my strength as well. It’s simply easier if I go and retrieve them myself, but—

 **Interviewer:** _(sarcastically)_ Well, sorry. You’re the only one I know who can do it well, since apparently my so-called Outrealms Card is really unpredictable and inefficient. Besides, you’re a powerful being that can do so many things, while I’m just a regular old human and an interviewer.

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs)_ Fine. Then I should have a break from all of this because I _hate_ long-distance universe-hopping and dealing with ridiculous problems.

_(He floats away from the interviewer.)_

_(grumbling)_ Thank you brother, for making me waste my energy to clear up the mess you’ve started when I could’ve used it on something worth my time, such as searching for new fighters for the upcoming _Smash_ Tournament. And an Outrealms Card? Hm.

_(He makes and enters a portal, which disappears afterward.)_

**Interviewer:** Hey, quit complaining. Hmm… Guess I’d better write something about what happened today.

_(The interviewer takes out a notepad and a pencil and writes about the events that happened so far, then falls asleep after finishing.)_


	3. Totally Recalled

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After going through a portal and forgetting a few things, Walhart gets his memories back and accompanies Robin when she asks the interviewer for answers. Title references Total Recall, a ‘90s sci-fi movie that’s… quite interesting and has Arnold Schwarzenegger.

**Interviewer:** _(talking in sleep)_ Why do these things always happen to me… Is it my destiny… to forever be… the universe’s… chew toy… ? _(shaken from sleep, eyes open and blink slowly)_ …Huh? … Where… am I?

 **Robin:** _(smiling)_ Oh, you’re awake!

 **Interviewer:** _(groggily)_ How… long have I been asleep?

 **Robin:** You’ve been sleeping for a while. It’s about time you woke up. Besides, there are better places to take a nap than on the floor, you know.

 **Interviewer:** Wait, what? _(looks around frantically)_ You guys are still here?!

 **Robin:** Yeah. Walhart and I have been talking for a while, and it seems that he has gotten his memories back.

 **Interviewer:** Oh, really? That’s great, Robin. _(slowly stands up from the floor)_

 **Robin:** But I still don’t understand one thing. What exactly happened to him when he ended up in that universe?

 **Interviewer:** Uh… oh, right. Me and Master Hand never told you the full story, huh?

 **Robin:** I believe you haven’t.

 **Interviewer:** Oh. Well, _(clears throat)_ I’ve got an idea. Would you like to be interviewed, Robin? It’s just for a change of pace around here.

 **Robin:** Oh sure! I don’t mind. But first, I’d like to have some of my questions answered.

_(She walks over to the couch where Walhart and Morgan are sitting, and sits on the vacant spot.)_

_(to Walhart)_ All right, dear. Perhaps it’s my turn to have an interview since you’ve already had yours. What do you think? Can I do it in your stead?

 **Walhart:** _(listlessly)_ Of course, Robin.

 **Robin:** Come on, Walhart. Don’t tell me you’re not interested in my interview.

 **Walhart:** _(irritated)_ Bah! I have had enough of today’s absurdities, Robin, and I wish to have no part in this nonsense any further, nor will I risk myself of being sent to another world again.

 **Morgan:** Dad—

 **Robin:** _(shrugs)_ Suit yourself, big guy. Don’t worry, I’ll be done in no time. But honestly, you should really learn to relax and be patient every once in a while. _(strokes Walhart’s hair, then pulls on his ponytail)_

 **Walhart:** _(glares at Robin)_ Was that necessary?

 **Robin:** _(teasingly)_ I didn’t know you cared about your appearance _this_ much. And I thought you always have it loose as well.

 **Morgan:** _(through clenched teeth)_ Mom…

_(The conversation devolves into one that’s not that important, so the focus turns back to the interviewer.)_

**Interviewer:** _(whispering to self)_ Okay, this is getting a bit weird. _(notices Morgan by nearby)_ How did you even get here, Morgan?

 **Morgan:** I stood up and walked over here.

 **Interviewer:** Without anyone seeing you? Who are you, Kellam?

 **Morgan:** No. But I guess talking has a way of keeping people occupied. I’ve come here to ask if you know how to help me deal with my parents.

 **Interviewer:** What?

 **Morgan:** Don’t you see? _(glances behind him)_

 **Interviewer:** Don’t worry about it, Morgan. My parents say the darndest things sometimes, but I think everyone does it occasionally. They’ll come along when they’re done talking about whatever they’re talking about.

 **Morgan:** Yes, but aren’t you supposed to have an interview with my mother?

 **Interviewer:** _(nods)_ I guess you have a point there. But first, I need your permission before I do what I’m about to do.

 **Morgan:** Um… sure?

_(The interviewer grabs a megaphone from underneath the table and uses it.)_

**Interviewer:** BREAK IT UP, CHUMPS!

_(Everyone else instinctively covers up their ears, and Walhart and Robin immediately stop talking and glare at the interviewer.)_

OR ELSE…

 **Robin:** _(annoyed)_ Or else what?

 **Interviewer:** _(puts megaphone down)_ Uh, I couldn’t think of anything past that. I think I was going to say another insult, but then it would be _very_ rude, and I don’t think a lot of people would like that unless they _really_ want the rating to change for the sake of it.

_(Everyone looks at interviewer with a bewildered stare. Morgan backs off and goes back to the couch to sit with his parents.)_

What? Okay, you know what? Let’s just forget what happened in the last few minutes, because I was weirded out by all that. _(awkwardly grins)_ Let’s just get to the interview, yeah?

_(She sits on the floor.)_

All right! _(grabs pencil and notepad from table)_ Since you asked if you wanted some of your questions answered, why don’t _you_ tell me something Robin?

 **Robin:** Hmm… I’d like to know what happened before Morgan and I came here. Though my husband has already told me his side of the story, I think there’s more to all of the strange things that have happened lately.

 **Interviewer:** Um, right… How should I start this? Well, I’ll just warn you that it’s pretty weird. Whatever happened to Walhart when he was away in that universe, I mean.

 **Robin:** It’s all right. I’ve had my share of weird experiences, as well as the other Shepherds.

 **Interviewer:** Okay. _(deep breath)_ Let’s just say that he ended up in a universe where there’s a group called Section 9 working for the government dedicated to fighting cyberterrorism or something like that. Apparently someone working for that group looked very much like him. Master Hand also said that he and Walhart almost got shot by them when they were there, and that Section 9 did it because they thought Master Hand was kidnapping one of their members, or that your husband was dressed up to be an imposter for the real guy or something crazy like that. And this was all started because of Master Hand’s brother tampering with one of the letters that I read to Walhart.

_(A brief silence.)_

Yeah, I told you it was weird and doesn’t make a whole lot of sense.

 **Robin:** _(intrigued)_ Really? _(to Walhart)_ Is this true, my dear?

 **Walhart:** Yes, Robin. As for why the man resembled me, however, is unclear.

 **Morgan:** _(chuckles)_ Wow, Dad. You must have gone through quite the adventure! I mean, it must have been scary, but you know, I’m quite interested in this world you fell into as well—

 **Walhart:** _(sternly)_ Morgan…

 **Morgan:** Oh, right. Sorry Dad.

 **Interviewer:** Hold up guys, I just got an idea that could put this thing to rest.

_(She pulls out her phone and type in “section 9 ghost in the shell” in the search box. She reads a whole bunch of wiki pages and other things about the subject matter, then writes a few things in her notepad.)_

Hmm… Well, that was interesting.

 **Robin:** What is it? Did you find any information about this particular universe or the man who resembled Walhart?

 **Interviewer:** Yes, I did. And I bet this explains a whole lot of things as well.

_(She shows them things about someone named Batou, especially his appearance in Ghost in the Shell: Stand Alone Complex.)_

You know, Walhart, you and this guy have a lot in common, and not just because of the way you look. I mean, sheesh, it’s almost kinda scary. Maybe Master Hand’s brother messed around with that letter because he thought it would be very funny—at least, in his point of view—to see how two guys who are so similar to each other, yet are completely unrelated to one another besides one or two things, would react if they saw each other. Or maybe he just did it for a quick laugh. I don’t know. But anyway, he’s almost like a lost brother, clone, or some future version of you, or maybe it’s even the other way around. For one, both of you are quite philosophical and intelligent despite your appearances—

 **Walhart:** _(glares)_ Was that a feeble attempt to tarnish my image?

 **Robin:** All right, Walhart, let’s calm down for a bit. I don’t think that was meant to be an insult towards you. _(to interviewer)_ Right?

 **Interviewer:** Right. Sorry, I should have said something else. _(to Walhart)_ Anyway, what I meant to say was that despite being a big, strong guy, and therefore people presume you to be dumb and think of nothing else but fighting all the time and loving it, you are actually much more than that. Sure, you two may be more excited than afraid when getting into a fight and even do dangerous and risky things, but when you’re out of the battlefield, you guys can talk about philosophy and have serious discussions about things that are hard for some people to understand. So, uh… take what I said as a compliment. You guys are quite interesting people.

 **Walhart:** Hmph. As I should be.

 **Robin:** Don’t mind him. Go on, though.

 **Interviewer:** _(to Walhart)_ And speaking of fighting, both of you are great at it. I mean, it’s kind of obvious. And you’re both almost on par with a superior of yours, who are both able to lead their groups well in combat. Of course, you’re still great and admittedly better than a few of the others in the army. You have great strength and defense stats, after all.

 **Robin:** Do I factor into any of this?

 **Interviewer:** Yeah, Robin. When I said “a superior of yours”, I meant you and Chrom.

 **Robin:** Heh. That reminds me of the time he _(glances at Walhart_ _)_  called me his superior in the Shepherds’ army.

 **Walhart:** It is true, Robin.

 **Robin:** _(laughs)_ Oh come on, dear. You don’t have to be so humble about it. For one, I could not manage an entire empire, much less amass and lead such a large and powerful army. As terrible as it is, what you have done was also quite impressive, at least in a political and military perspective. And it’s all because of your personality and charisma, which I think helped you win over some of the people to fight for your side. Admittedly, in those cases, _you_ are superior. Of course, things have changed, and I’ve also forgiven you on your past deeds.

 **Morgan:** Yeah, Dad. When you first told me about your old, conquering days, I was actually scared of what you’ve done. But now that I’ve thought it over, I couldn’t help but be impressed too. I look up to you, you know, even after I found out.

 **Interviewer:** _(while writing in notepad)_ All right, guys. I hate to break it to you, but I still have an actual interview to go on and write down. I mean, I really think this lesson session was worth my time, but I still got a bunch of things to deal with, like these letters. _(picks up and holds a pile of letters in both hands)_ Now without further ado—

_(A portal appears, and a large gloved hand appears out of it, along with a red suit of armor and a couch, which are floating. The portal closes and disappears.)_

**Master Hand:** Did you forget about me or these things? _(lowers armor and couch to the floor; the interviewer sits on the returned couch)_

 **Interviewer:** Master Hand! What took you so long? Can’t you see that I was about to start an interview?

 **Master Hand:** _(sarcastically)_ Forgive me. I clearly don’t have eyes in this form. I almost can’t believe how inconvenient it is to be a giant, god-like hand, so perhaps…

_(Master Hand snaps his fingers, and there is a bright white light. He turns to his human form.)_

There. Better?

 **Interviewer:** Yeah, I guess.

 **Morgan:** _(quietly to Robin)_ Mother, do you know who he is? I’ve heard that you’ve met him before.

 **Robin:** _(quietly to Morgan)_ It was during the fourth _Smash_ Tournament that I’ve first met Master Hand, Morgan.

 **Walhart:** _(warily to Master Hand)_ Are you another so-called god?

 **Master Hand:** I’m afraid that I’m not. I’m no mere dragon or anything that you humans believe in and worship, and I prefer that you consider me as a sort of manifestation of the creative spirit, or maybe even the “master” of the _Super Smash Bros._ universe, hence my name. I’m the one who searches for worthy fighters—or Smashers, as they’ve also come to be called—from across several universes and invite them to join and participate in the _Smash_ Tournaments, as well as filling in the role of an announcer for matches and a final boss to test their skills. So don’t think I’m just one of those “so-called gods” that declare themselves to be such just because they are powerful. And though some may believe me to be a malevolent entity that treats his subjects as mere toys to be played with, I’ve never wanted to outright destroy the Smashers, and I’m fair enough to hold back my powers for those that aren’t fully prepared to fight against me. And before anyone gets any ideas, I suggest not fighting with me right now, because even though I’m tired of dealing with today’s events, I could still best everyone in this room in a fight.

 **Interviewer:** Wow. That just got dramatic. Were you being serious, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** Did you have to interrupt with an unnecessary comment?

 **Interviewer:** Uh—

 **Master Hand:** Never mind. According to what you’re thinking, your answer was going to be no, and you were about to apologize. _(sighs)_ Very well. If anyone has any need of me, I’ll be busy doing paperwork for the next Tournament.

_(He proceeds to walk out of the room, then stops.)_

But before I go, is there anything any of you need from me _now_?

 **Interviewer:** Nope, we should be fine, although I do wish I have a soda.

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs, snaps fingers, and a soda pop bottle_ _appears in the interviewer’s hands)_ All right. Now let me get to my work.

_(He leaves the room.)_

_(muttering to himself)_ Professor Layton and Banjo and Kazooie in _Smash_? Sure, they may be popular in the “real world”, but as Smashers? Hmph. Their ties to the Nintendo Multiverse are not the strongest, though the latter duo may have a chance due to Rare having ties to Nintendo years ago. _(sighs)_ I’ll have to reread the fans’ demands later…

_(Back to the room.)_

**Interviewer:** _(opens soda pop bottle and drinks from it)_ So, is anyone ready for an interview? Or should I bring some more people? You know what, maybe I should spice things up a little. _(grins, pulls out the Outrealms Card)_

 **Robin:** Wait, I don’t think that’s a good idea—

 **Interviewer:** Outrealms Card, go!

_(She throws it at a random spot. It enlarges and turns into a glowing portal that nearly blinds everyone present in the room.)_

**Everyone else that’s not the interviewer, including Master Hand, who’s outside of the room:** NOOOO!

 _(The interviewer takes out a 3DS, turns it on to_ Fire Emblem Awakening _, then goes to the Unit Gallery to play “Prelude (Ablaze)”.)_

 **Interviewer:** _(in a slow, dramatic TV narrator voice)_ Who or what will come through that portal? Friends to meet? Foes to challenge? Or something entirely new? Find out, in the next part of… A Series of Astonishing Interviews!

_(Nonexistent credits roll, and everyone else in the room looks at the interviewer in confusion.)_


	4. Exalted Entrances

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Two members of the Ylissean royal family are summoned, and they too are interviewed.

_(From the perspective of a knocked out person; all is dark.)_

**?:** Robin, we have to do something. They don’t look too good.

 **?:** _(young woman’s voice)_ What do you propose we do? You’re the one who brought them here in the first place.

 **?:** Hey! Listen, I don’t know what we can do, and I didn’t expect _them_ to show up here. But maybe we should—

_(The knocked out person slowly opens his eyes. He is a fairly young man with blue hair wearing shiny armor, blue clothing fit for a noble, and a white cape.)_

**Robin:** I see that you’re awake now Chrom. _(looks somewhere else)_ And you too, Lissa.

 **Chrom:** _(groggily)_ Wait… what?

 **Interviewer:** _(excitedly)_ Oh my gosh, it’s really you Chrom! I can’t believe that I’ve finally met the leader of the Shepherds!… _(composes herself)_ Er, um, I mean, greetings Sir. Are you all right?

_(Chrom mumbles something incoherent as the interviewer helps him to his feet.)_

Come again, Chrom?

 **Chrom:** _(massages forehead)_ How… What… Where is… Lissa…?

 **Lissa:** I’m here, Chrom! I’m all right!

_(Chrom looks to her direction and she excitedly looks around the room. Lissa is wearing a green shawl with gold accents and a rather simple white dress.)_

Wow! I’ve never seen anything like this in Ylisse. What is this place?

 **Chrom:** _(to interviewer)_ Yes. Where are we exactly?

 **Interviewer:** I… _(looks around room, tilts head)_ Um, honestly, I’m not so sure.

 **Lissa:** You mean, you don’t even know what this place is?

 **Interviewer:** Sorry, Lissa. Now that you mention it, I don’t remember how I got here. I guess you could even say that I just simply woke up in this place for no reason at all.

 **Lissa:** Oh. _(to Robin)_ Hey Robin, didn’t we meet you in the same way?

 **Robin:** Yes, Lissa. I don’t think I can ever forget that, even after all these years.

 **Lissa:** _(laughs)_ Yeah, me too. This is weird…

_(She notices Morgan and Walhart standing together, and a rather grumpy Master Hand standing by himself at the door.)_

Who are these guys?

 **Interviewer:** That’s Walhart _(points with thumb at Walhart)_ , Lissa, while the one by the door is Master Hand.

 **Lissa:** Uh, are you sure about that? And what kind of a name is Master Hand, anyway?

 **Interviewer:** It’s just his name Lissa. There’s really not much to it, except he probably got that from being the “master” of the _Smash_ universe or something. I don’t know, really.

 **Lissa:** Oh.

 **Interviewer:** Yeah.

 **Chrom:** _(confused)_ Wait, how are you certain this man _(indicates Walhart)_ is the same Conqueror that fought against us a long time ago? And if so, why does he look different?

 **Interviewer:** _(deep breath)_ Well Chrom, would you like the short answer or the long answer?

 **Chrom:** I’d like to hear the one that can thoroughly explain what’s going on lately.

 **Interviewer:** All right, if you say so. But, um, would you guys like to have a seat over there first? _(points to one of the couches)_

 **Chrom:** Yes, my friend.

_(He and Lissa walk over and sit one on the couches, while the interviewer goes and sits on the other one. Everyone else except Master Hand stands behind the couches. The interviewer retells the events to Chrom and Lissa. Minutes later…)_

**Chrom:** That was… interesting.

 **Lissa:** Yeah. I second that!

 **Interviewer:** I know it’s crazy, guys, but you’ve got to believe me. I mean, when Master Hand told me what happened, I couldn’t believe what he said to me either. But after he showed me what happened over there, I changed my mind. Even then, I still think that all of the things that have happened so far were quite… colorful.

_(Master Hand walks over to where everyone else is.)_

**Master Hand:** _(clears throat)_ I believe I haven’t properly introduced myself. _(extends a gloved hand for a handshake)_ I’m—

 **Lissa:** Yep!

_(She jumps to her feet, then shakes Master Hand’s… hand vigorously and he is taken aback by surprise.)_

Master Hand, right? I’m Lissa, Princess of Ylisse, and Chrom’s younger sister. Robin told me about you, but I’ve never seen you in person—no, hand—I mean—oh, you know what I mean! _(blushes in embarrassment)_

 **Master Hand:** Yes, yes. It’s nice to meet you too. _(notices Lissa still shaking his hand)_ You may stop shaking my hand now.

 **Lissa:** Oh. _(stops shaking his hand)_ I’m sorry about that. I just think that you’re a good person, or hand, and I always like to meet new people and be friends with them. So what do you say? Can we be friends?

 **Master Hand:** Er, I suppose we can, Miss Lissa.

 **Lissa:** _(smiles)_ Aw, you don’t have to call me “miss”, Master Hand. Just Lissa is fine with me.

 **Master Hand:** All right then… Lissa. _(to Chrom)_ And you must be Sir Chrom. A pleasure to meet you. _(shakes Chrom’s hand, stops)_ I’d like to say that I have considered you for _Smash 4_ , but unfortunately, circumstances have favored your daughter, Lucina. I’m sorry you weren’t able to get in, even though I allowed you to compensate by giving you a chance to assist in Robin’s Final Smash.

 **Chrom:** It’s all right. At the very least, I am proud Lucina was able to fend for herself during the fourth Tournament, even though I’ve heard that she was called… _(sighs, then frowns)_ a clone. Whatever that means.

 **Master Hand:** _(nods)_ Indeed, she has. But not to worry, Chrom! There is a new Tournament on the way—

 **Interviewer:** All right Master Hand, is it okay if I do my interviews  _now_? We’re kinda digressing a bit here.

 **Master Hand:** _(slightly annoyed)_ Yes, yes. Go ahead. I was about to leave for my work, anyway. However, I must thank you for reminding me that I need to prepare for the next _Super Smash Bros._ game on the Switch. The developers and fans would kill me! … Figuratively speaking. _(begins to walk out of the room, then pauses and looks back)_ You may need this.

 _(He tosses a gold coin with the_ Smash _symbol on one side of it in a slow, gentle arch (aided by telekinesis?) to the interviewer.)_

 **Interviewer:** What’s this?

 **Master Hand:** Just one of the many coins used in Coin Battles. But this particular one is special because I’ve made some adjustments to it.

 **Interviewer:** Like what?

 **Master Hand:** Being able to summon me whenever I’m needed. Of course, I am my own being, so there’s no guarantee for me to show up and solve your problems every time. Flip it once, land on the Smash Ball, and I’ll be there. If not, keep trying until you land on it, but otherwise it should be simple to use.

 **Interviewer:** Um, sure. Thanks.

 **Master Hand:** Now where was I… ? Ah, yes. Well, it’s best that I should be on my way. I bid you good luck with your interview.

_(He walks out of the room and closes the door.)_

**Lissa:** What was that all about?

 **Interviewer:** I don’t know. He just gave me this. _(holds up coin for everyone in the room to see, then puts it into a pocket)_ I wonder why though. But anyway, there’s something more important than that.

 **Chrom and Lissa:** What is it?

 **Interviewer:** _(cheerfully)_ I’m going to interview you guys!

 **Chrom:** Wait, that’s why we’re here?!

 **Lissa:** Seriously? You summoned us for this?! Oh, you should have told us!

 **Interviewer:** All right, all right, calm down guys. I’m not holding you hostage or anything. I didn’t even expect to get you guys, because I used this thing called an Outrealms Card, which creates a portal to practically anywhere. For all I know, I could have brought a version of Grima or Validar here, so uh, consider yourselves lucky.

 **Chrom:** Well, now that you mention it…

 **Lissa:** I guess you’re right. After all, I’d hate dealing with those creeps again! I mean, why can’t we have peace for a while, huh?

 **Robin:** Um, are you forgetting about us again?

 **Interviewer:** Huh?

_(She looks up to see Robin, Walhart, and Morgan standing behind the couch Chrom and Lissa are sitting on. The three look mildly disappointed.)_

Oh my gosh! I’m so sorry that I forgot about you guys. Especially you Robin, since you said that it was okay for me to interview you in the first place.

 **Robin:** _(sighs)_ It’s all right. _(sits on the couch with Chrom and Lissa)_

 **Interviewer:** Yeah, uh, sorry about that. No hard feelings right?

 **Robin:** Yeah.

 **Interviewer:** Okay guys, I guess I’ll start the interview. _(picks an envelope from the table and open it)_ Hmm, let’s see what this is about… _(reads letter, looks at Robin)_ “What do you think of Chrom? If he isn’t your husband and you’re married to someone else, would you still have feelings for him?”

 **Robin:** Well… I like him.

 **Everyone else in the room:** What?

 **Robin:** _(turns red in embarrassment)_ But not as a lover! Just… as a close friend.

 **Interviewer:** _(writes in notepad)_ Uh-huh. No feelings for him then?

 **Robin:** No! _(sighs and facepalms)_ Can we move on to the next question, please?

 **Interviewer:** All right, all right. I’ll pick something better, no worries. _(picks out another envelope and reads a letter)_ This one’s for Chrom. “What is life like in Ylisse after Grima?”

 **Chrom:** It’s been better. Olivia and I have been busy mending Ylisse and other places in need of help after the war ended, for one. And Lissa… is with Donnel, and they live together in his village.

 **Lissa:** And not just anywhere in the village! I get to live with him and his mom too! She’s so nice, and she was surprised when she found out that I was going to be his wife. I like being with them in the village, but you know, sometimes it gets boring there and Donny and I go out and travel the world for a while.

 **Chrom:** At least we keep in touch with each other through letters, and she always likes to tell me about what happened during their travels.

 **Interviewer:** _(while writing)_ That’s interesting. Anyone else like to add to that? Like, what was life like in Valm after the war? Was there like a peace treaty or something between it and Ylisse?

 **Chrom:** Well… Relationships between Ylisse and Valm have been better, as far as I know.

 **Robin:** It was mostly my own doing to secure good relations, to be honest, although Walhart has done his part as well.

 **Interviewer:** So what exactly did you guys do to achieve that?

 **Chrom:** It’s nothing to write home about. It’s just a matter of a few diplomatic talks and politics… and a little request.

 **Interviewer:** Oh, okay. _(writes in notepad, looks up to Chrom)_ Wait, a request?

 **Chrom:** For Robin to be an ambassador.

 **Interviewer:** Really? _(to Robin)_ An ambassador of Valm? But doesn’t that mean—

 **Robin:** My duties as an ambassador require that I attend a few meetings each year to ensure that Valm and Ylisse maintain a good relationship with each other. That is, to ensure that neither shall invade the other.

 **Interviewer:** _(nods while writing, to Walhart)_ So what do you think of Robin leaving every so often to attend these meetings? Do you ever feel like you miss her whenever she leaves?

 **Walhart:** No, I do not.

 **Interviewer:** Oh. Care to add to that?

 **Walhart:** There is nothing more to it. I don’t waste my time longing for her as a lovesick fool is wont to do whenever she is in Ylisse, as we have our own duties to fulfill. In addition to being ruler, I have the added responsibility of caring for Morgan whenever Robin leaves.

 **Morgan:** _(to interviewer)_ Father isn’t one to play games, but at least we keep each other company when Mother is away.

 **Interviewer:** So what exactly do you guys do together? Any father-son bonding times?

 **Morgan:** Well, we usually spend our time together by improving my combat skills and holding discussions and debates about a few things, as well as having the occasional talk about strategies on the battlefield. He says it’s to prepare me when I become the next ruler of Valm.

 **Interviewer:** That’s interesting, Morgan… Now this is a bit of a weird question, but has your father ever… belittled or verbally harmed you at least?

 **Morgan:** _(confused)_ No, I don’t think he has. _(to Walhart)_ Have you ever done such things, Father? I don’t remember you—

 **Walhart:** _(seriously)_ No, I have not, Morgan.

 **Robin:** _(surprised)_ Walhart! Don’t tell me you’ve forgotten that you’ve—

 **Walhart:** This is a matter best discussed at another time, Robin. As of this moment, I do not wish to tell our boy the truth.

 **Robin:** But—!

 **Lissa:** Robin?

 **Chrom:** _(warily)_ What’s going on?

 **Interviewer:** Okay, guys, that’s enough. _(sigh and facepalms)_ I’m sorry I asked yet another stupid and rather insensitive question, and I’ll admit that it was a really dumb move on my part. But can we just forget about it and move on? This is supposed to be an interview, not a family therapy session.

_(She puts the notebook and pencil down after writing, then looks at the letter pile; her hands shuffle through it.)_

**Robin:** _(looks over interviewer’s shoulders)_ Wait, how long does the portal last? Does it vanish over time, or can you control it and make it disappear?

 **Interviewer:** _(still looking and shuffling around letters)_ Which, the portal that I’ve made by using my Outrealms Card?

 **Robin:** Yes.

_(Almost everyone in the room except the interviewer and Walhart have looks of dread on their faces as they watch the portal. A low, ominous sound emanates from it.)_

**Interviewer:** I don’t know. _(looks up from pile)_ Why? What’s going on guys?

 **Chrom:** I believe that we may have let in an uninvited guest.

 **Interviewer:** Wait, what? Are you serious?

_(High-pitched, annoying laughter fills the room, and everyone but the interviewer and Walhart pulls out a weapon.)_

**?:** _(in a slightly high-pitched adult male voice)_ Hi guys! Do you know where my bro is? I just wanna know what he’s up to. That’s all!

 **Interviewer:** _(eyes widen at the sound of the voice)_ Awww, crap!

 _(The interviewer’s hands hurriedly scramble to her pockets for the_ Smash _coin. She flips it just as a blinding flash of light engulfs the room.)_


	5. Odd Duck

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> After the interviewing session came to an abrupt end, the interviewer ends up somewhere else and meets Crazy Hand. Meanwhile, Master Hand finds himself in a field and accompanies a dog who’s looking for a duck and their owner.

_(Location: unknown, though it seemingly looks to be in a large, dark room with a bit of light coming from above. The interviewer is on the floor.)_

**Interviewer:** _(cowering)_ AHHHHHHHHHH—

 **?:** _(in a slightly high-pitched adult male voice from somewhere)_ (Are you okay, kid?)

 **Interviewer:** _(stops cowering, looks around wildly)_ Whoa, whoa, whoa! Who are you? Who’s this? What are you doing to me? Where’s everyone? Where’s—

 **?:** (Aw, SHUT UP! I’m Cuh-razy Hand, silly human, and I’m here talking into your brain! I think my bro said it was ‘cause we have telepathy or something fancy like that, but who cares! I just like to mess with everyone’s heads sometimes. Guess it comes with the package of being the Hand of Destruction and all.) _(laughs)_

 **Interviewer:** W-what do you want from me?

 **Crazy Hand** : (Nothing! Really, kid. I just want my bro, that’s all.)

 **Interviewer:** What do you mean? What do you want from Master Hand?

 **Crazy Hand:** (What do I want from him? Well… it’s personal, kid, and you know better than butting into others’ family problems like that!) _(laughs)_ (I just said butt.)

 **Interviewer:** Why can’t you tell me? And can you stop it with the unfunny, immature jokes please? They’re really stupid and I don’t think anyone likes to hear them, including me. Now show yourself, Crazy Hand!

_(A bright white light, and a man appears in the room. He is tall and young-looking, and has short white hair that is slightly unkempt. He looks similar to voice actor Xander Mobus. Like Master Hand’s human form, he is wearing a white business suit with a black tie with a gray Smash Ball design on it and black dress shoes, but has a white glove on his left hand instead.)_

**Crazy Hand:** You know, I was really starting to like you, kid. Guess that means you really wanna fight me too, huh?

 **Interviewer:** Wait, what? That’s not what I meant! I just—

 **Crazy Hand:** _(grins)_ (But you’d want to, right? You’d want to feel like you accomplished something by beating me, right? That’s what gamers always want to feel when they’re playing, right? Always mad if they don’t get their way… )

 **Interviewer:** No! I-I—

 **Crazy Hand:** (Aw, don’t play dumb. You know you can’t resist, even though you know it’s probably all for nothing. Tsk tsk. Well, you’re just asking for a hopeless, unwinnable boss fight, stupid.)

 **Interviewer:** _(angrily)_ I’m. Not. Stupid. Don’t ever call me that!

 **Crazy Hand:** Uh oh, looks like I’ve just activated your Anger Point. _(laughs)_ A critical hit! Interviewer maximized her Attack! _(to self)_ Wow, I love _Pokémon_.

 **Interviewer:** STOP MESSING WITH MY HEAD AND PISSING ME OFF!

_(She charges toward Crazy Hand and tries to punch him, but he nonchalantly dodges by stepping aside. The interviewer is caught off guard and stumbles.)_

**Crazy Hand:** Not bad, kid! But you’re pretty predictable, unlike the Smashers. Or my bro. Or even… ME!

_(He snaps his fingers. A bright white light envelops him, and he transforms into his hand form.)_

**Interviewer:** _(jaw drops)_ Oh come on! Are you serious? This isn’t Final Destination!

 **Crazy Hand:** Are you talking about one of those silly horror movies or the stage in space that Fox and hardcore _Melee_ people like, with no items?

 **Interviewer:** _(frustrated)_ You know what I mean!

 **Crazy Hand:** The second one, then?

 **Interviewer:** _(throws hands up in the air)_ Yeah! I guess so!

 **Crazy Hand:** YEP! _(forms thumbs-up gesture)_ And you totally win nothing! But I’m still gonna have to beat you up silly, ‘cause that’s kind of my job!

 **Interviewer:** Whoa, wait! I don’t even really know how to fight against you! Can’t you at least—

 **Crazy Hand:** Too bad, kid!

_(He fires bluish-white lasers from his fingertips, and the interviewer runs away from approaching lasers. This goes on for about a minute, then Crazy Hand stops attacking.)_

You know, it’s kinda boring if there’s no music during a fight, so… _(snaps fingers, and_ “Blitz It!” _from_ Splatoon 2 _plays_ ) AH! NOT THE FIGHT MUSIC I WANTED!

_(No one moves or makes a sound as the music continues to play.)_

OH SCREW IT! This ain’t so bad, anyway. _(dances to music (?))_ Better have good _Splatoon_  music for _Smash 5,_ bro.

 **Interviewer:** Whoa. How did you do that?

 **Crazy Hand:** I don’t know, maybe it’s ‘cause I have some of the same powers as my bro. Like, we can screw around with reality and toss it out the window. That never gets old, messing around with reality you know? And I think it’s awesome that it includes us being able to change the background music, don’t you think?

 **Interviewer:** Uh, are you still going to attack me or keep on talking and dancing around like a weirdo? _(runs away)_

 **Crazy Hand:** Hey, I’m not a weirdo! But thanks for reminding me, ‘cause I almost forgot! _(rises up and tries to punch down the interviewer and barely misses)_

 **Interviewer:** _(pants)_ Whoa! That was close. And now I know why you’re called the Hand of Destruction. But why are you doing this? Why—

 **Crazy Hand:** _(shakes himself off, snaps fingers to make the music stop)_ Oh, so now you want exposition?

 **Interviewer:** I’ve been waiting for an explanation for Master Hand and my interviewees this entire time, you big gloved troll!

 **Crazy Hand:** All right, all right! What an insult! Sheesh, kids these days. SO IMPATIENT! _(sighs)_ They’re all teleported to different places in the World of Trophies, or the _Smash_ universe, which we’re in right now. Y’know, like where the Subspace Emissary happened years ago?

 **Interviewer:** Wait, with the same map and everything?

 **Crazy Hand:** Well… I’ve made a little challenge for my bro and your _Fire Emblem_ friends. One, I’ve made a rule so that he can’t turn back into a hand and has been nerfed, like he can’t just easily get here by teleporting from far away or make portals. Two, all of you guys are separated by some distance, so my bro’s somewhere far away from your friends, who are far away from us. We’re all pretty much spread out basically.

 **Interviewer:** Wait. What’s up with that rule and Master Hand again? So he’s stuck in a human form forever?

 **Crazy Hand:** Don’t be silly. I can’t keep him like that forever, ‘cause that’s just mean! I just put it in what we like to call the Crazy-Master List for now.

_(He produces a giant blue holographic screen out of nowhere that shows a bunch of rules, difficulty settings, options, and other things. He scrolls to “Recently Added”, and points to one that says “Rule 1999: Master Hand is locked into human form. Powers nerfed.”)_

Besides, people would lose their minds if they saw any of us as humans in any of the games. We’d start riots in the Internet, everyone would go nuts, and more people would start writing fanfiction and making fanart about our human selves than our real hand selves. It wouldn’t just be terrible—it would be the end of the world!

 **Interviewer:** _(flabbergasted)_ Uh, what? Can you repeat all of that?

_(Crazy Hand screams, and transforms into his human form. He pulls on his hair and tie in annoyance.)_

**Crazy Hand:** I’m not Kaepora Gaebora, kid! What’re you trying to do, make me break the record for “Most Annoying Person Ever”? It’s like you’re trying to make me outdo that owl, kid! I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!

_(His gloved hand glows red and he makes a sweeping hand gesture. The interviewer’s body also glows red and is slammed into the wall. The interviewer falls to the floor.)_

**Interviewer:** Ugh… Family… unfriendly… violence…

 **Crazy Hand:** Welp, I’m outta here. Have a nice stay, kid!

_(He makes the List disappear, then makes a portal and goes through it and disappears. The interviewer blacks out.)_

_(Location: the Plain, which is a vast field with a few trees and mountains in the distance. Lying on the ground somewhere is Master Hand, who is in his human form.)_

**Master Hand:** _(groans)_ You have… gone… too far…

_(He stands up with some difficulty and uses a nearby tree to support himself for a moment.)_

Though I must admit… _(weak chuckle)_ … you’re quite clever, Crazy. You should be happy that you have made yourself the star of this… crazy game of yours. And restricting me to this form? _(laughs)_ That’s nothing at all! I can deal with this.

_(A nearby patch of grass rustles, and he clenches his gloved hand into a fist as he eyes the grass.)_

Hm? Who’s there?

_(An orange-brownish dog emerges out of the grass, sniffing along the ground.)_

_(lowers and unclenches fist)_ Oh, hello Duck Hunt. What brings you here?

 **Duck Hunt:** _(walks up to Master Hand)_ Hey there! D’ya know where’s Duck? I can’t find him nowhere. _(looks up)_ Oh wait, you’re not—

 **Master Hand:** I’m sorry, Duck Hunt, but you must have mistaken me for someone else. I’m Master Hand.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(tilts head, confused)_ Really? Ya don’t look like the big hand that I know, though ya sure sound just like him.

 **Master Hand:** I assure you that I am the same one you are talking about right now, Duck Hunt.

 **Duck Hunt:** Uh, okay. I didn’t expect to see ya here as a human, so ya kinda bamboozled me for a bit right there.

 **Master Hand:** Yes, I can see where there is potential for confusion… But never mind that, what are you doing here? Why aren’t you with your owner?

 **Duck Hunt:** Oh! Ya mean with Mr. Bob “Wild Gunman” Hogan? Uh… I dunno where he is, and I’ve been tryin’ to find him for the last few hours or somethin’ like that.

 **Master Hand:** Hmm… Perhaps if you wish to accompany me for a while, you might be able to find Duck and your owner. After all, I am also looking for a few missing people.

 **Duck Hunt:** Really? So does that mean we’re gonna team up?

 **Master Hand:** In a way, yes.

_(Duck Hunt joined Master Hand’s team!)_

**Duck Hunt:** Nice! So who are ya lookin’ for? My nose isn’t just for sniffin’ out game, ya know.

 **Master Hand:** Do you remember Robin from the Fourth Tournament?

 **Duck Hunt:** Yeah! The tactician guy, right?

 **Master Hand:** No, the other one. The female tactician.

 **Duck Hunt:** Oh. I forgot that there were at least two. Well, I dunno where she is. I thought she went back to where she came from after the Tournament was done. _(irritated)_ You’re Master Hand, right? How come ya don’t know where she is? I thought it was your job of knowin’ where all the other Smashers are!

 **Master Hand:** At the moment, I’m not here to look for new recruits or veterans, Duck Hunt. I’m here because of a game my brother has set up for me, as well as a few other individuals that have become victims of his antics.

 **Duck Hunt:** What? Crazy Hand? Why can’t ya deal with him for yourself?

 **Master Hand:** Because he has also taken away some of my powers and restricted me to my current form.

 **?:** _(in a slightly high-pitched adult male voice from somewhere)_ (Hey, Dog Whisperer. I can hear you talking with your buddy, you know.)

_(Master Hand whips around to see a grinning Crazy Hand leaning against the tree.)_

**Master Hand:** Brother!

 **Duck Hunt:** Here comes trouble.

 **Crazy Hand:** Shut it, stupid dog. _(mockingly, to Master Hand)_ Brother! How lovely it is to be in your presence, O Hand of Creation, O Glove God of Creation, O Overseer of All _Smash_ Tournaments, O Classic Mode Boss, O The Announcer—

 **Master Hand:** _(slightly smiles)_ Are you done listing off my titles yet?

 **Crazy Hand:** Nope! Those were just the first few! _(deep breath)_ O Original Smash Brother, O Manifestation of the Creative Spirit, O—

_(Master Hand punches him, and Crazy Hand is knocked back to the tree with so much force that it breaks. He collapses to the ground, bleeds a bit and coughs up blue blood.)_

Ugh… come on. _(slowly stands up)_ That… was totally unfair bro!

_(Master Hand shakes his head while he dusts off his hands and glove.)_

**Master Hand:** Tsk tsk. You need to learn how to hold your tongue, Crazy. It’s not wise to run one’s mouth when the opportunity to shut it up arises.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(horrified)_ Why’d ya do that, Master Hand? And since when did you guys bleed blue?

 **Master Hand:** To teach him a lesson in combat and— _(frowns)_ wait, bleed blue?

_(He notices Crazy Hand, gasps, and winces at the sight of the blood.)_

No. No, no, no, please don’t—no, I don’t—not him, not again—

_(He backs away and shuts his eyes. He also angrily mutters to himself and clenches his fists.)_

**Duck Hunt:** _(concerned)_ Uh, Master Hand?

 **Crazy Hand:** Memories of “That Time” acting up again, huh?

 **Duck Hunt:** _(confused)_ What’s goin’ on, guys? Am I missin’ somethin’ here?

 **Crazy Hand:** _(chuckles, wipes blood off him)_ Just something that happened a long time ago before you were invited to the Fourth Tournament. It’s nothing to get riled up about, dog.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(growls)_ It’s everythin’ to get riled up about! What happened to Master Hand back then? Why’s he freakin’ out like that? He never—

 **Master Hand:** _(opens his eyes)_ Don’t. Mention. “THAT TIME”!

 **Duck Hunt:** Uh oh. _(jumps and hides in grass)_

_(Master Hand makes a finger gun hand gesture with his gloved hand, with his index and middle fingers glowing white, then fires a pair of large bullets at Crazy Hand, who quickly teleports away from the Plain. Bullets continue to fly then make impact, destroying parts of the area. He looks into the distance in disbelief.)_

**Duck Hunt:** _(walks out of the grass)_ M-m-master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** I’m… sorry you had to see that Duck Hunt.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(walks closer)_ Ya scared me a lot when ya blew up a whole lotta this field, y’know. Why’d ya do that? And I know this might be the wrong time to say this, but why’d ya get all squeamish when I said you guys bleed blue?

 **Master Hand:** It’s a long story, Duck Hunt. And it’s not one that I think you’d like to hear either.

 **Duck Hunt:** Why? Is it bad?

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs)_ Do you mind if I… show you my memories?

 **Duck Hunt:** Uh, sure? But are ya gonna do somethin’ scary again? ‘Cause I think I had enough scary things happenin’ to me today.

 **Master Hand:** I cannot guarantee that, Duck Hunt, though I will offer you a choice of not viewing it. If you do wish to see it however, I must tell you that what you’re about to see is just an illusion.

 **Duck Hunt:** Uh… _(gulps, looks up at Master Hand)_ I-I’m not scared. I can handle it, I think.

 **Master Hand:** Very well.

_(He snaps his fingers, and the Plain disappears. In its place is a dark realm, with lightning occasionally flashing across the purplish/black sky.)_

_(“Location”: somewhere in Subspace. “Time”:_ Brawl _Era (circa 2008 in “Real World Time”), before the events of the Subspace Emissary. “Events and characters”: Master Hand, in his hand form, is held captive by Tabuu, a blue humanoid entity who has chained Master Hand with his “Chains of Light”, which are made of golden, solid light.)_

 **Illusory Master Hand:** _(trying to wrench himself free)_ You’re—not—welcome here!

 **Illusory Tabuu:** I thought that you were as powerful as I’ve expected someone like you to be, but now I see that you are just as weak as your so-called Smashers.

 **Illusory Master Hand:** You wouldn’t—!

 **Illusory Tabuu:** Oh, yes. And I have been watching all of you for this entire time as well.

 **Illusory Master Hand:** _(stops struggling for a bit)_ Why? And where is my brother Crazy Hand?

 **Illusory Tabuu:** After he told me where the Tournament was being held, I have sent him to the deepest reaches of this void. He was foolish to believe that telling me information would mean letting him go. Prior to that, I’ve also considered taking him in as an ally, but his tendency to be irrational and haphazard would only serve to hamper my goals.

 **Illusory Master Hand:** _(growls)_ Crazy…

 **Illusory Tabuu:** The world you have created is impressive, and one that I have taken interest in… However, I cannot leave Subspace itself.

 **Illusory Master Hand:** _(awkwardly chuckles)_ How unfortunate. Perhaps you can release me at this moment, Tabuu.

 **Illusory Tabuu:** I’m afraid I can’t do that, Master Hand.

 **Illusory Master Hand:** _(in disbelief)_ What?

 **Illusory Tabuu:** In a few moments, the Chains’ “Puppet Effect” will sap your strength away and take control of you, and soon you will be able to help me in what I am about to do.

 **Illusory Master Hand:** You—you wouldn’t—you can’t control me, Tabuu. And even if you can… the Smashers… will…

 **Duck Hunt:** NO! Whaddaya mean, “the Smashers will”, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** My past self cannot hear you Duck Hunt. You don’t have to continue if you don’t want to. These memories are a bit much to bear after all.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(shakes head)_ I’m fine. It’s just… I dunno, I’ve never really known much about what happened before I came here, so this sort of scared me a bit.

 **Master Hand:** So do you wish to stop?

 **Duck Hunt:** N-no. I-I’m fine.

_(Master Hand snaps his fingers, and the scene fades and morphs to one with Ganondorf and Bowser, who’s been turned into a trophy by Ganondorf’s Dark Cannon and kicked aside. “Time”: near the end of the Subspace Emissary.)_

_(gasps)_ Wait, is that—?

 **Illusory Ganondorf:** _(arms wide, to the void)_ Everything is according to plan, Master Hand. Soon, this world will be plunged into Subspace, as you have commanded.

_(Illusory Master Hand appears, and Illusory Ganondorf gives him a slight bow.)_

After all of this time… _(looks up)_ But why do you remain silent? Do you have nothing to say about my accomplishments, Master Hand?

_(He notices that Illusory Master Hand has the Chains of Light attached to him, then Tabuu, who’s at the other end of the chains.)_

_(angrily)_ WHAT?! YOU! YOU HAVE DECEIVED ME! HOW DARE YOU DO SUCH A THING TO THE GREAT GANONDORF! WHO ARE YOU?

 **Illusory Tabuu:** Foolish King of the Gerudo. To think that you truly believed that your Master Hand was behind everything that has happened…

 **Illusory Ganondorf:** WHY—! HOW _DARE_ YOU!

_(He jumps to a great height and tries to punch Illusory Tabuu, who unleashes a shock wave. He is knocked back and is turned into a trophy as he hits Illusory Master Hand, who is released from the Chains, and a blue substance that looks like blood spurts out of Illusory Master Hand’s wounds. Both of them crash into the ground.)_

**Illusory Master Hand:** TABUU!

_(He gets up, rushes and tries to punch Tabuu but is knocked back by Tabuu’s barrier to the ground again.)_

_(panting heavily)_ You… won’t… win this...

_(He collapses. Illusory Smashers run into the scene.)_

**Duck Hunt:** _(eyes widen in fear)_ No. No, no, no! NO GUYS! DON’T—!

 _(A loud snap, and the illusion disappears in a flash of light._ _Back to the Plain.)_

Dang. So that’s it? Is that all you’ve gotta show me?

 **Master Hand:** Yes, because I don’t wish to put a greater strain on ourselves, Duck Hunt. What is sometimes called “That Time” is actually a euphemism for an incident called the Subspace Emissary. As you can tell from my memories, it was… an unpleasant event for everyone involved.

 **Duck Hunt:** I thought ya almost died there. I mean, obviously ya didn’t, but still! Ya were bleedin’, for cryin’ out loud!

 **Master Hand:** You’re mostly right, Duck Hunt, and to tell you the truth I was severely weakened by Tabuu to the point of unconsciousness. After Ganondorf and I have been knocked out, most of the other Smashers have arrived in Subspace to defeat Tabuu, and even then they were easily defeated by his Off Waves.

 **Duck Hunt:** So who saved the day then?

 **Master Hand:** _(counts off with his fingers)_ King Dedede, Luigi, Ness, Sonic… ultimately, almost every Smasher saved this world from the Subspace invasion. As for everything else that happened during the Subspace Emissary, Duck Hunt… Those are stories for another time.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(ears droop)_ Aw, man. Now I wanna know more, even though it’s probably none of my business. Stupid me.

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs)_ It’s all right, Duck Hunt. It’s a very touchy subject to talk about, so I’ll just warn you to be careful of ever bringing it up or asking questions about it. Do you understand? _(Duck Hunt nods)_ Good. And before I forget, we should get going. I’ll let you lead the way to your friend. Perhaps Duck can help us look for who we’re missing.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(small grin)_ Thanks, Master Hand! I promise that my nose won’t fail to sniff ‘em out! _(runs off in one direction)_

 **Master Hand:** Hmph. Now put it to good use…

 **Duck Hunt:** _(stops running)_ Only thing is, when I use my cans and clay pigeons—

 **Master Hand:** We’ll see about that. Launch one of your targets, Duck Hunt.

 **Duck Hunt:** Uh, okay.

_(He throws a clay pigeon into the air. Master Hand creates a NES Zapper, a light grey light gun, which materializes in his hands. He shoots the clay pigeon down in three shots.)_

Whoa! That was awesome. Are ya gonna be playable in the next _Smash_ game, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** No, at least not legitimately. First, I have announcing and boss duties on top of many other things. Second, if my powers weren’t restricted and I was in my true form, I would probably be overpowered or at least corrupt someone’s game because I wasn’t meant to be controlled by anyone. And third, I prefer to keep some things to myself and not reveal a lot of personal information so to allow everyone to have their own interpretations about myself, my brother, and the _Smash_ games as a whole.

 **Duck Hunt:** Phew! That’s a mouthful. So wait, are ya actually gonna fight with me on the way?

 **Master Hand:** No, but I will accompany and help you with some of your attacks. I don’t wish to make myself the one to carry ourselves through everything.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(whimpers)_ But I’m not the best Smasher ‘round here! I’ve never even really gone on an adventure before! What if I screw us up a lot? What if—

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs)_ I don’t have time for your complaints, Duck Hunt. Just remember how you’ve fought in the Fourth Tournament, and everything else will be fine. And think of me as a helpful mentor, or even Hogan. Now try and see if you can remember anything about Duck, or even pick up his scent.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(sighs)_ You’re right, sorry ‘bout that. _(sniffs around)_ Oh! I think I got somethin’!

 **Master Hand:** What is it now?

 **Duck Hunt:** I know where Duck was! Follow me! _(runs off in one direction)_

 **Master Hand:** Wait, Duck Hunt!

_(He turns into a blue-white ball of light that quickly moves toward Duck Hunt, who stops. He turns back.)_

**Duck Hunt:** _(jaw drops)_ Now you’re just makin’ powers up. What was that, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** I Space Jumped. It was an ability frequently used during the Subspace Emissary, specifically by those who lagged behind.

 **Duck Hunt:** Wow! Never really heard of it ‘til now, but I’m guessin’ it’s useful. Can I do it too?

 **Master Hand:** Of course, Duck Hunt. Just stop and concentrate a bit on where you would like to go, then you’ll be able to Space Jump. Stay where you are at the moment though.

_(He runs ahead of Duck Hunt, then stops after a considerable distance.)_

Now Space Jump to me, Duck Hunt!

 **Duck Hunt:** Okay…

_(He tightly closes his eyes, turns into a blue-white ball of light that quickly moves towards Master Hand, then turns back.)_

Whoa! That was weird.

 **Master Hand:** Indeed. But remember: THIS IS JUST THE BEGINNING!

 **Duck Hunt:** Of what? Weird things happenin’ to us? No sir, I don’t think so.

 **Master Hand:** I was going to say “of an adventure”.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(sarcastically)_ Yeah, yeah, I knew that, Mr. Announcer.

 **Master Hand:** _(chuckles)_ I would be careful of my words if I were you, Duck Hunt. Despite my current appearance and reduced strength, I could still beat you in a fight.

 **Duck Hunt:** Hey! I beat ya in Classic Mode!

 **Master Hand:** On which difficulty level?

 **Duck Hunt:** _(sheepishly)_ Uh…

 **Master Hand:** Can’t even remember, hmm? Perhaps you’ve nothing to prove to me in this adventure we’re about to undertake…

 **Duck Hunt:** _(growls)_ Aw, come on! Just wait and see me, Master Hand! I’ll prove to ya that I can do this just like the others that were in _Brawl_! _(runs off)_

 **Master Hand:** _(to self)_ Ha. Now that’s what I expect from my Smashers.

_(He Space Jumps to Duck Hunt as Duck Hunt runs.)_

_(Location: The Lake, which is a large lake surrounded by jungle. Characters and events: a duck with a blue and white body and a pink head is swimming and dabbling for food.)_

**Duck:** Man, I’m sooo hungry. I hope Duck Hunt is still around to watch over me while I—

 _(a roar from somewhere, stops eating)_ Whoa! What was that?

_(A giant, green snake-like Pokémon roars as it rises out of the Lake, splashing water everywhere.)_

_(to the Pokémon)_ Eep! D-did ya eat Duck Hunt?

 **?:** _(in a very deep voice)_ Who dares disturb my slumber? Were you the one that caused the horrible din?

 **Duck:** Uh, are ya talkin’ ‘bout me? ‘Cause I know I didn’t make a lotta noise.

 **?:** _(glares at Duck)_ Do you see that this is where I have taken refuge?

 **Duck:** H-how was I s’posed to know that? Should’ve put up a sign that said “This is where I’m sleepin’. Leave me alone.”

 **?:** Are you trying to mock the great Rayquaza himself?

 **Duck:** _(beak drops)_ Oops. Now I remember ya. Ya flew through one of the stages right?

 **Rayquaza:** YES! Now stop asking questions and answer me!

 **Duck:** L-listen! I know I didn’t wake ya up, so how ‘bout I just leave ya and I fly away? That way we don’t hafta—

 _(Rayquaza roars and charges up a Dragon Pulse; a red and white ball of electricity appears from his mouth_ _and he fires at Duck, who quickly flies out of the water before the attack hits him.)_

AHH! DON’T KILL ME!


	6. We Fight Dragons

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The interviewer takes the time to interview Crazy Hand while “imprisoned.” Meanwhile, Master Hand and company find and fight a dragon. Title references the rock band I Fight Dragons, who also use chiptune by using Game Boys and NES’s.

_(Time: some time after the events of “Odd Duck”. Back to the interviewer’s location.)_

**Interviewer:** _(slowly opens eyes, groggily)_ Great… where am I again? _(stands up and looks around)_ Oh, this is just great.

_(She sees Crazy Hand in his hand form floating before what looks like a giant blue holographic screen. It’s on a large desk, and there is also an office chair.)_

**Crazy Hand:** _(turns around to interviewer)_ Great? Oh, thanks! Y’know, that’s the first time I’ve heard someone say that if they ever were stuck in a place like this miserable hall.

 **Interviewer:** That’s not what I meant.

 **Crazy Hand:** _(“shrugging” gesture)_ Whatever, kid. I sealed off every hole and entrance to this room, while I can get outta here whenever I want. Now no one can just waltz in or out, and that includes you! _(points to interviewer)_ Except for me, of course.

 **Interviewer:** Really?

 **Crazy Hand:** Yep! So hold on there, ‘cause you’re probably gonna be in here for a looong time. Which means you’ll now be stuck in the Ruined Hall forever! _(evil laugh)_

 **Interviewer:** Um, I think you really need to work on your laugh. Oh wait, never mind. Those are so old and cliché, they make you look like a dumb, cartoon villain.

 **Crazy Hand:** _(stops laughing)_ Thanks—aw, did I really suck that badly?

 **Interviewer:** Yes.

 **Crazy Hand:** _(sighs)_ Can’t believe I’m saying this, but I guess for once, a regular old human like you is right. Bro says that I try too hard on my laugh whenever I come and join him to fight the Smashers that got to the end of Classic Mode. Guess that means it’ll have to go…

 **Interviewer:** No, no, no! That’s not what I meant!

 **Crazy Hand:** So whatcha mean, then?

 **Interviewer:** Don’t get rid of your laugh!

 **Crazy Hand:** Wha—really?

 **Interviewer:** _(slightly smiles)_ Because if you do, players would be wondering if their games are glitching or something. Besides Master Hand’s laugh, yours is kind of iconic ever since _Melee_.

 **Crazy Hand:** Really? Huh, didn’t know I was  _that_ famous.

 **Interviewer:** I wouldn’t get too full of myself though. I mean, the Smashers are some of the most important people in the games, otherwise what’s the point of playing them?

 **Crazy Hand:** Are you saying that we Hands aren’t important at all? I mean, we’re kinda the ones behind a lot of things, even though some people don’t say that.

 **Interviewer:** Of course you guys are just as important! Thing is, I think most people would only know and care about Smashers like Mario or Link, so they might overlook you and Master Hand if they just wanted to fight each other and not do Classic Mode or read trophy descriptions or something like that. But considering a few things I’ve seen and heard lately, I truly believe that everyone in the games, including you and your brother, stands for _Smash_ as a whole.

 **Crazy Hand:** Well… I guess you’ve got a point.

 **Interviewer:** _(with a hopeful look)_ So can you let me go now? Since I’ve been nice and cheered you up and all?

 **Crazy Hand:** _(cheerfully)_ Nope!

 **Interviewer:** _(sighs)_ Really?

 **Crazy Hand:** You really thought I was gonna let you off that easily just ‘cause you were being nice? _(laughs)_ That still doesn’t change things, so you’d better think of something to kill time here. So, whatcha gonna do then? Sit around? Sleep? Both?

 **Interviewer:** Hmm… I guess I can go ahead and interview you for a while. If that’s something to go on.

_(Crazy Hand snaps his fingers and transforms into his human form. He grins.)_

**Crazy Hand:** Why didn’t you say so in the first place? Anyway, I’d love to do an interview, ‘cause me and my bro usually have them whenever a new Tournament is up or whatever. Oh, and you kinda dropped these when you fell asleep, so here you go.

_(He hands (haha) the interviewer her notepad and pencil, then sits on the chair in front of the screen.)_

_(_ _seriously)_ Oh, but don’t think that this interview is gonna make us friends anytime soon, ‘cause I still think you’re kinda lame for trying to do that stupid-looking punch on me.

 **Interviewer:** Um, okay. _(mumbles)_ Kind of rude, though.

 **Crazy Hand:** So, how’s this going to go?

 **Interviewer:** Well, since I don’t have any letters with me because they were left behind, I might as well make up some questions to start off this interview. So, first question: why did you make up that rule that kept Master Hand in a human form and take away some of his powers?

 **Crazy Hand:** Boooo! I thought you were an interviewer that wanted to know our personal lives like any other person, not my motives!

 **Interviewer:** Dang it! Figured that one out quickly, huh?

 **Crazy Hand:** _(angrily)_ Yeah, and now I seriously wanna laser you out of existence! _(raises gloved hand)_

 **Interviewer:** _(waves arms around)_ Wait! Don’t laser me! I promise you I won’t ask anything like that again! _(sighs)_ Fine, at least just tell me how that Crazy-Master List works.

_(Crazy Hand lowers his gloved hand.)_

**Crazy Hand:** (You sure you’re not just asking to exploit or hack it or something? ‘Cause I’m trying to find out if that’s what you’re gonna do.)

 **Interviewer:** Yes, I’m sure that I won’t do anything with it. Now stop using telepathy on me because it’s kind of wrong and creepy.

 **Crazy Hand:** M’kay. Anyway, so anytime anything new needs to be in the _Smash_ ‘verse, whether it’s from me, my bro, or the developers, it gets put into the List. It basically it sets up the rules and every other important thing included with the games, and other things that you don’t see in them. Only me, my bro, and the developers can add or get rid of the things in that List, or else you’ll meet the best kind of security there ever is for a computer-like thingy!

 **Interviewer:** And what’s this security system like?

 **Crazy Hand:** _(grins)_ See for yourself! _(pushes himself and the chair he is sitting on aside)_ Go ahead and touch the screen.

 **Interviewer:** Uh, I don’t think I’d like to do that.

 **Crazy Hand:** Scared?

 **Interviewer:** Maybe just a bit. It’s pretty much just an interactive screen, right?

 **Crazy Hand:** Yep!

 **Interviewer:** Uh—

_(She approaches the screen, touches it, and gets shocked. She steps away and clutches her hand.)_

Argh! What was that for?

 **Crazy Hand:** _(laughs)_ Told you! Only me, my bro, and the developers can touch it, while the Smashers and the other characters aren’t even allowed to, no matter how powerful or resistant they are to electricity, at least in this ‘verse. Oh, and don’t even try to hack it from a computer or whatever, ‘cause you’ll still get shocked. But in the “real world”, anyway, we’re much nicer about it and it just gives a warning, messes up people’s games, or glitch everything up. But sometimes, when we’re feeling _really_ nice, we let some people change things to the game that they’re playing, and that’s why _Project M_ is a thing.

 **Interviewer:** Hold on, better write this down. _(writes in notepad)_ That was surprisingly informative.

 **Crazy Hand:** Yep! But now you wanna know something about me right?

 **Interviewer:**  Sure. Second question: what exactly are you and Master Hand?

 **Crazy Hand:** Uh, that’s a hard one. _(rubs back of head)_ I dunno, hands with awesome powers I guess?

 **Interviewer:** Can you be more specific, maybe?

 **Crazy Hand:** _(shrugs)_ Well, if I remember, we like, symbolize creation and destruction. And that we’re pretty much gods, but my bro and I have official titles like “the manifestation of the creative spirit" and "the manifestation of the destructive spirit.” Kinda weird for us to have long and fancy titles like that, huh? You guys should just call us by our names anyway.

 **Interviewer:** _(writes in notepad)_ Sure, I guess. But why?

 **Crazy Hand:** Well… have you seen some of the other Nintendo deities?

 **Interviewer:** I guess. Like Rosalina, Palutena, and Arceus, right?

 **Crazy Hand:** Yep. Have you seen Grima and some of the other dragons in the _Fire Emblem_ ‘verse, though? I dunno if you’ve noticed anything or what, but it seems hard to be sane if you’ve got a lot of power in your hands. Even Zanza and Yuga went crazy for the same stuff and called themselves that too. Anyway, what I’m saying is that me and my bro don’t like to outright call ourselves gods ‘cause we don’t wanna rub someone the wrong way and end up getting the “evil powerful being that wants to destroy or rule the world” stereotype. Sad that some people think that way though.

 **Interviewer:** _(writes in notepad)_ So both of you don’t like doing whatever your real jobs are? But aren’t you guys basically running away from your responsibilities?

 **Crazy Hand:** _(makes a so-so gesture with gloved hand)_ Uh, something like that. And nah, we didn’t completely stop creating and destroying things. We just love being with the Smashers more than doing exactly what our titles say. We also don’t like to rule over or take care of a whole lot of people, unless you count us making the Smashers live in our mansion.

 **Interviewer:** _(still writing)_ So you’re just here to have fun?

 **Crazy Hand:** Yeah, pretty much. That’s why the Council of Nintendo Deities kinda hate me and my bro, ‘cause they think that we’re lazy and just sit back and watch people fight. _(grins)_ But we don’t care! It’s better to be down with everybody than be a bunch of total stuck-ups. At the same time though, the Council sorta likes us ‘cause we announce some piece of _Smash_ news every so often. _(chuckles)_ I remember when Palutena and Rosalina went ballistic when we said they were in for the Fourth Tournament, as well as some of the Legendary Pokémon. You should’ve seen it!

_(There is a loud beep from the List. It displays the words “The Lake” in red letters,)_

Oh! Bro’s by the Lake now. Gotta go and see what’s up with him.

 **Interviewer:** _(still writing, glances up)_ Wait, what?

 **Crazy Hand:** Bye, kid! _(makes the List disappear and teleports out of the Hall)_

_(Location: the Lake. Master Hand and Duck Hunt are walking toward it.)_

**Duck Hunt:** Phew! That was tough! Did ya see those weird green things that came outta nowhere? Those were so annoying! And then there were some that threw boomerangs and some that were red and had fireballs! What were those things, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** Those were Primids, Duck Hunt.

 **Duck Hunt:** What? I don’t remember ‘em in the Fourth Tournament.

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs)_ That’s because most of us that were present in _Brawl_ chose to forget “That Time”, though apparently not all of the Subspace Army was destroyed. At least there are still enough of them around to be used as walking punching bags for any Smasher that comes across their paths.

 **Duck Hunt:** Oh, that’s what they’re called! And thanks for helping me back there, Master Hand.

 **Master Hand:** _(slightly smiles, chuckles)_ You’re welcome, Duck Hunt. Now, are you sure that this is where you’ve last seen Duck?

 **Duck Hunt:** Yeah, and Mr. Hogan too.

_(Both of them stop near the edge of The Lake. Duck Hunt sniffs and looks around.)_

That’s weird. I don’t see ‘em. _(irritated)_ I swear that we were here earlier ‘cause Duck was hungry and wanted us to stop and eat!

 **Master Hand:** Hmm. Do you remember anything else?

 **Duck Hunt:** Uh, I remember me and Mr. Hogan just restin’ in the shade, then all of a sudden, I think I got hit by somethin’ real hard and got knocked out. After that, I woke up in the Plain and tried to find ‘em there, but nothin’. Then you showed up. I dunno if Mr. Hogan went through the same thing, but I’m guessin’ that’s why he’s not here.

_(There is a loud roar in the distance.)_

Whoa! Did ya hear that, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** Yes, and I don’t believe that it’s necessarily a good thing. Stay alert, Duck Hunt.

_(There is a series of loud, panicked quacks. Master Hand and Duck Hunt see a giant, green snake-like Pokémon chasing a duck through the air above them.)_

**?:** HELP ME!

 **Duck Hunt:** _(gasps)_ DUCK!

 **Duck:** _(sees Duck Hunt and Master Hand)_ HEY, DUCK HUNT! THIS GUY’S TRYIN’ TO KILL ME!

 **Duck Hunt:** HOLD ON! WE’RE GONNA HELP YA OUT! _(to Master Hand)_ What’re we gonna do, Master Hand? We can’t go and fight that big, green snake in the sky! And Duck is too weak to fight that thing by ’imself! What’re we gonna do?

 **Master Hand:** Rayquaza…

_(He observes Rayquaza as he chases Duck through the air, then looks at the ground.)_

… can come to us instead. _(snaps fingers)_ I have an idea, Duck Hunt, though this requires a bit of my intervention.

 **Duck Hunt:** Wait, what? But didn’t ya say—

 **Master Hand:** Just be prepared if anything happens. Meanwhile, let me take over for a moment.

_(He forms a finger gun gesture with his gloved hand, his index and middle fingers glow white, and aims at Rayquaza. He fires a pair of large bullets, which explode upon hitting Rayquaza, who crashes into the Lake.)_

**Duck:** _(flies down to Master Hand and Duck Hunt, pants)_ Wow! Thanks guys! _(to Master Hand)_ ‘Specially, uh, um…

 **Master Hand:** I am Master Hand, Duck.

 **Duck:** _(confused)_ Really? How’re ya— _(notices Master Hand’s gloved hand)_ Oh.

_(He looks at Master Hand’s face and his gloved hand several times, then tilts his head.)_

**Duck Hunt:** Yeah, Duck. It’s kinda a long story ever since we got split up.

 **Duck:** Oh, man! Almost forgot ya, Duck Hunt! How’s things goin’? And where’s Mr. Hogan?

_(A loud splash and roar in the distance. Rayquaza rises out and flies above the Lake.)_

Aw, come on! Way to crash a reunion party, ya big green bully!

 **Duck Hunt:** Are ya serious? It’s like your attack didn’t knock him out cold enough, Master Hand!

 **Master Hand:** And now we wait for Rayquaza to approach us first.

 **Duck and Duck Hunt:** WHAAAT?! Are ya crazy?

 **Master Hand:** If it’s necessary for us to fight Rayquaza, we should at least do it when he is at our level. It should make things a little bit easier for us.

 **Duck:** Ya mean for  _him_.

_(Rayquaza descends to the edge of the Lake by the trio, and roars. Duck Hunt yelps in fear and Duck hides behind him.)_

**Rayquaza:** _(glares)_ Who was the one that shot me down?

 **Master Hand:** _(steps in front of Duck and Duck Hunt)_ That would be me, Rayquaza.

 **Rayquaza:** _(brief look of confusion, then glares again)_ Master Hand…

 **Master Hand:** Let the duck go.

 **Rayquaza:** _(angrily)_ That insolent little bird woke me up when I was resting. It deserves to face my Dragon Pulse after what it did!

 **Master Hand:** And how did he wake you?

 **Rayquaza:** Do not ask me what sort of racket that bird made, Master Hand! All I know is that there was a loud noise coming from somewhere earlier today that gave me a very rude awakening, and that this duck was the first thing I saw when I woke up!

 **Duck:** _(angrily)_ Hey! I didn’t do any of that!

 **Master Hand:** Now correlation does not imply causation, Rayquaza. If anything—

 **Rayquaza:** _(roars)_ I’ve had enough of your talking! That duck deserves to be destroyed! _(charges up Dragon Pulse)_

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs, to self)_ Like some bosses, he doesn’t want to listen to reason. _(to Duck and Duck Hunt)_ Get away, you two!

 **Duck and Duck Hunt:** Right!

_(Rayquaza fires Dragon Pulse, and barely misses hitting the trio as they dodge the attack.)_

**Master Hand:** _(smiles)_ If this is how you’d want to settle this, Rayquaza, then you shall have it.

 **Duck:** WHAAAT?! Didn’t ya hear him? He wants to destroy me! You’re crazy, Master Hand!

 **Master Hand:** _(chuckles)_ That only applies to my brother. Now…

_(He smiles again, and a headset materializes on his head.)_

3 … 2… 1…

 **Duck Hunt:** No, Master Hand!

 **Master Hand:** … GO!

 _(He snaps his fingers again, and_ “Victory Road” _from_ Pokémon Ruby/Sapphire _plays. Duck and Duck Hunt’s eyes widen and their bodies shake in fear as Rayquaza roars.)_

 **Duck Hunt:** Oh man.

 **Duck:** Yep.

_(Rayquaza sweeps his tail across the ground. The Duo get smacked into the air.)_

**Duck Hunt:** Rrowch!

 **Duck:** Bwack!

_(Both crash into the ground.)_

**Duck Hunt:** _(groans)_ Help… Master Hand…

 **Master Hand:** You must recover, Duck Hunt!

_(Rayquaza charges up and fires a Dragon Pulse at Master Hand, who casually sidesteps the attack.)_

Now get up!

 **Duck Hunt:** Wha… ?

 **Master Hand:** I said, GET UP!

_(Rayquaza ducks down and rushes toward the Duo. Duck picks up Duck Hunt, flies to the opposite side, and they land on the ground.)_

That’s better!

 **Duck:** _(irritated)_ Why are ya just standin’ there and not helpin’ us fight this guy, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** I have told Duck Hunt that I am merely helping him by taking Hogan’s place and shooting at his targets. _(creates a NES Zapper, Duck’s beak drops)_ I also have announcing duties. _(notices Rayquaza charging up another Dragon Pulse)_ Now get going!

 **Duck:** Uh, right! _(to Duck Hunt)_ Let’s do this, bud!

 **Duck Hunt:** Yeah!

_(The Duo rush towards Rayquaza, who fires a Dragon Pulse, which they jump over. They attack him with a series of smash attacks, which are aided with Master Hand shooting at Rayquaza.)_

**Rayquaza:** _(roars)_ DIG! _(burrows underground)_

 **Duck:** _(looks around)_ Wh-where’d he go?

 **Duck Hunt:** Oh man! The ground’s shakin’! _(body shakes due to tremors, runs to the side)_

_(Rayquaza bursts out of the ground.)_

**Rayquaza:** HA! _(flies into the sky, then back to the ground)_

 **Master Hand:** I’m still wondering where you learned that move.

 **Rayquaza:** _(laughs)_ Do not ask me, Master Hand! As a Legendary Pokémon, there are times where we can break the rules.

 **Duck Hunt:** Hey! Over here!

_(He tosses a clay pigeon towards Rayquaza’s face. Master Hand shoots at it and deals damage. Duck Hunt attacks, then Duck repeatedly pecks him.)_

**Rayquaza:** _(angrily)_ YOU LITTLE—!

_(He roars, then flies up slowly. The Duo run back and forth with uncertainty, but Rayquaza hits them while flying back down then burrowing into the ground.)_

**Duck Hunt:** Arf!

 **Duck:** Urk!

_(Rayquaza appears on the other side, his eyes flashing red.)_

**Master Hand:** _(to the Duo)_ Get away from where you are! He will create an explosion!

_(Rayquaza grins menacingly, and Duck Hunt jumps backwards before a small explosion occurs. The Duo land near Rayquaza and use a variety of attacks on him.)_

_(Several minutes later with most of Rayquaza’s health gone and the Duo’s health percentage is over 100%.)_

**Rayquaza:** _(enraged)_ BAH! THOUGH I’VE GROWN WEAKER, I WILL STILL DESTROY YOU, DUCK!

 **Duck:** Eep! He’s real mad now!

 _(Rayquaza flies up into a tight circle like Ouroboros_ _and summons lightning. The Duo quickly shield themselves, don’t take damage, and attack him again.)_

 **Rayquaza:** Ha! If you’re so smart for a little dog and duck, dodge this!

_(He flies up, descends quickly close to the ground, then rushes towards the Duo.)_

**Duck Hunt:** Let’s fly, Duck! _(jumps into the air twice)_

 **Duck:** Gotcha! Duck Jump!

_(He flies up while carrying Duck Hunt, and Rayquaza passes underneath them.)_

**Rayquaza:** _(quickly turns around)_ Another!

 **Duck:** _(flaps frantically)_ Can’t—! Hold on—!

_(The Duo start falling and are hit by Rayquaza. They land in a heap.)_

**Duck Hunt:** _(weakly)_ Help…

 **Rayquaza:** _(roars triumphantly)_ HA! And now, it’s time for you lowly Smashers to face your last! _(begins charging Dragon Pulse)_

 **Master Hand:** _(looks at Rayquaza and gasps a little, to the Duo)_ Duck! Duck Hunt! Get up again! Quickly!

 **Duck:** _(weakly)_ We… can’t… 

 **Duck Hunt:** Yeah… we’re goners now…

 **Master Hand:** Listen to me, Duck Hunt! Use your Trick Shot and Clay Shooting special attacks on Rayquaza, and it will soon be over!

 **Duck Hunt:** Wha… ?

 **Master Hand:** You will be fine. I will take care of everything else.

 **Duck:** Mas… ter… Hand…

 **Duck Hunt:** _(slowly gets on his feet)_ O… kay… Guess I’ll… trust ya… _(clumsily kicks a can towards Rayquaza, then throws a clay pigeon towards his face)_

 **Rayquaza:** _(grins)_ Did you really think—

_(Master Hand shoots at the clay pigeon as it flies towards Rayquaza’s face, destroying it and damaging him, then shoots the can towards him. It explodes. Rayquaza stops charging Dragon Pulse and is launched into the air from the explosion, then crashes to the ground and lies there, twitching a bit.)_

Argh… How…

 **Master Hand:** GAME! _(crosses arms and chuckles)_ Do not underestimate my Smashers, Rayquaza. Remember that. _(snaps fingers, music stops)_ And now… THE WINNER IS… DUCK HUNT!

_(Duck Hunt jumps into a patch of grass nearby, pops up and laughs weakly while Duck flies out and looks into the distance. Both collapse and faint from exhaustion and Master Hand picks them up and walks away from the scene. His headset dematerializes.)_

_(Duck joined Master Hand’s team!)_

_(Meanwhile, somewhere in the shadows of the trees near the Lake…)_

**Crazy Hand:** _(chuckles)_ Good job, bro. Good job.


	7. A Ruinous Offensive

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Master Hand and his team go through ruins that have many obstacles and find someone that has been turned into a trophy. Title references the Great Cave Offensive mode in Kirby Super Star and Kirby Super Star Ultra.

_(Location: the Ruins, a maze-like cave filled with ancient-looking technology and unknown symbols. Master Hand and the Duo materialize in some part of it after warping from somewhere else.)_

**Duck Hunt:** Man, what’s this place?

 **Duck:** Yeah, what’s this place all about, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** We are in the Ruins.

 **Duck:** Phew. Good thing I found this one pretty quickly by flyin’ around for a bit. Sure this is the place ya wanted me to find, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** Yes, Duck. This is indeed the right place.

 **Duck Hunt:** That name’s pretty on the nose. Never been here before, though. _(sniffs the air)_ Ugh! Pretty old and musty though! _(sniffs the air again)_ That’s weird. It’s like someone _has_ been here for quite a bit.

 **Master Hand:** Interesting… _(looks around)_ Then we should get going. _(walks toward an elevator)_ Hm, so this is where Lucas and Red travelled during the Subspace Emissary. And this elevator should lead us down toward the Ruined Hall where, if my intuition was correct, the missing interviewer and _Fire Emblem_ characters are located.

 **Duck Hunt:** And ya know that ‘cause…?

 **Master Hand:** This is one of the best places in this universe to hide things, due to the traps and enemies that wait within. There’s little doubt that my brother would want to make things difficult for us.

 **Duck:** _(pales)_ Uh, w-wait a minute, Master Hand. Did ya say traps and enemies? ‘Cause now my gizzard’s not feeling so good.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(shakes head)_ Yeah, and this place doesn’t smell good either.

 **Master Hand:** _(stops in front of elevator, turns around to the Duo)_ If I recall correctly, I thought that you wanted to—what was it? “Prove that you can do this just like the others in _Brawl_ ,” Duck Hunt?

 **Duck Hunt:** _(whines)_ Aw, c’mon Master Hand! Do we hafta go down there? Look! Even Duck doesn’t wanna go! _(points to a pale, trembling Duck)_ And I also didn’t really mean it when I said that!

 **Master Hand:** _(shrugs)_ If you two choose to stay here, it’s fine. But if anything, I’d like to say that the challenges ahead may remind you of Smash Run.

 **Duck:** Hey! We beat that mode fair and square a few times before!

 **Master Hand:** And what did you think of it?

 **Duck Hunt:** Hard. But like what Duck said, we beat that one and won a lotta stuff!

 **Master Hand:** Then the Ruins shouldn’t be any more different. I will warn you though that this place is potentially more dangerous than the other locations that we have travelled through. _(goes in the elevator, then slightly smiles)_ Now, MAKE YOUR DECISION!

 **Duck Hunt:** _(grumbles)_ Man… _(sighs)_ Fine, I’ll go with ya. I take back what I said too. _(walks toward Master Hand)_

 **Duck:** _(pulls Duck Hunt back)_ Whoa, whoa, whoa! Come on, Duck Hunt! We don’t even know what’s down there! I don’t wanna get trophified and go through this place a hundred times!

 **Duck Hunt:** Look, Duck, I made a promise that I will prove that I can do it like the guys that were in _Brawl_ . The ones that came here before us. I mean, think ‘bout it. If Lucas and Red went through this place without a hitch, then we can too. Look, we even fought a dragon and _won_ , for cryin’ out loud.

 **Duck:** Sure, if winnin’ against Mr. Rayquaza was anythin’. Probably just a fluke.

 **Duck Hunt:** Maybe, but guess what? Me and Master Hand helped ya deal with him. I mean, don’t ya know who we are? We’re Smashers. We’ve gone through stuff in our ‘verse, and I’m sure everyone else did too in theirs. Then ya have the people at “That Time,” and I’m sure that one was much scarier than what we _Smash 4_ folks will ever know. _(walks toward Master Hand, stops inside elevator)_ So I dunno if you’re gonna stay there like a sittin’ duck, but me? I know I’m goin’.

 **Duck:** _(sighs)_ Well, guess I’ll stay…

_(Duck Hunt’s jaw drops slightly. Master Hand’s gloved hand twitches as he begins to slowly turn his index finger downward.)_

… with you guys.

 _(Duck quickly flies and lands in the elevator, which quickly descends. The elevator stops, Master Hand snaps his fingers, and_ “Underground Theme” _from_ Super Mario Land _plays.)_

 **Master Hand:** I see that you’ve decided to come along, Duck.

 **Duck Hunt:** Yeah, I thought ya didn’t wanna come with us.

 **Duck:** Yeah. Guess I changed my mind, huh? _(sighs)_ Sorry back there, though. It’s just… I-I’m scared.

 **Duck Hunt:** I… didn’t know that, Duck.

 **Duck:** That’s ‘cause I don’t like to bring it up, bud. I’ve always been a bit scared of pretty much everything, ‘cause I always think that things are out to get little guys like me. _(Duck Hunt gives him a brief hug)_ Thanks, but—

 **Duck Hunt:** Hey, you’re with me and Master Hand. You’ll be fine.

_(They all walk out of the elevator. Duck Hunt notices something ahead.)_

Hey guys, there’s a minecart here! _(runs toward minecart, stops and sniffs it)_

 **Duck:** Wonder where it goes. Got any ideas, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** Considering that the elevator descended a few feet underground and there’s a downward slope, what do you think, Duck?

 **Duck:** _(sighs)_ Down, I guess. And speakin’ of guessin’, we’re gonna hop in that thing too, right?

 **Master Hand:** Do you need to ask questions with obvious answers, Duck?

 **Duck:** Just makin’ sure that’s what we’re doin’, sir.

 **Duck Hunt:** Hey, Duck! Are ya gettin’ in or what?

 **Duck:** Yeah, yeah, I’m comin’. _(to self)_ Here goes nothin’.

_(He waddles toward the minecart and gets into it with Duck Hunt. The minecart automatically closes and hurtles along the rails until it crashes into a wall.)_

**Duck and Duck Hunt:** _(get thrown out of minecart)_ AAAHH!

 **Duck:** I GOT YA DUCK HUNT! _(uses Duck Jump, and the Duo land on a ledge where the minecart jumped off)_

 **Duck Hunt:** That was too close!

 **Master Hand:** _(Space Jumps to the Duo)_ Indeed.

_(The Duo look over the ledge.)_

**Duck Hunt:** Whoa. That’s pretty deep.

 **Duck:** Yeah. _(sighs)_ Great, we’re goin’ down again.

 **Duck Hunt:** Yep. _(to Duck)_ Just stick with me, bud.

 **Duck:** Wait, whaa— _(Duck Hunt jumps off with Duck)_ AAAAAHH!

_(The Duo fall for a few seconds and land in a small pool of water. Master Hand appears on the floor above the pool.)_

**Master Hand:** Are you all right?

 **Duck and Duck Hunt:** Yeah.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(ears stand up)_ Wait, what’s that weird rumblin’ noise?

 **Duck:** Huh?

_(Duck Hunt swims toward Master Hand.)_

_(to Duck Hunt)_ Hey, hold up! _(swims toward him)_

_(The Duo jump out of the pool, then run toward a huge door that’s sliding down and go through it before it slams shut.)_

**Duck Hunt:** _(turns around to face shut door)_ Aw, man! Master Hand’s still back there!

 **Master Hand:** What is it, Duck Hunt?

 **Duck Hunt:** _(turns to face him)_ Wait, what? How’d ya—? Uh, never mind. Just glad that we made it. That’s all.

 **Master Hand:** Hmph. Now this is where things should get a bit more interesting. _(points ahead to a hallway filled with crushing walls, spikes, bottomless pits, and enemies)_

_(Duck’s beak and Duck Hunt’s jaw drop.)_

**Duck:** Ya gotta be kiddin’, Master Hand.

 **Duck Hunt:** Yeah. Who made this death course?

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs)_ I have, as well as Crazy Hand.

 **Duck:** What?! No one told us ‘bout this!

 **Master Hand:** Before we’ve even invited the first Smashers into the First Tournament, my brother and I have made this place as a sort of… obstacle course for training. At least, that was supposed to be its original purpose, until Crazy and I fought over it. While I thought it to be too cruel to be included in any mode, especially to any newcomers, he insisted that we should keep it in case anyone was willing to go through.

 **Duck Hunt:** And then?

 **Master Hand:** We abandoned the project, gave the course the appearance of ancient ruins, then found an alternative, which is known today as Training Mode. But that should be enough information for now, because we, or rather you two, will run through the Ruins. With my assistance, of course. So, Duck Hunt Duo… READY? …

 **Duck:** _(sarcastically)_ Oh, great.

 **Master Hand:** … GO!

_(The Duo runs toward moving walls, and small stick-figure-like enemies spawn and rush to attack them.)_

**Duck:** Mites! Let’s get ‘em, bud!

 **Duck Hunt:** Yeah! _(the Duo attack some of the Mites, who are defeated easily)_ Really? Pieces of paper? _(more Mites spawn and attack them)_ Aw, man!

 **Duck:** There’s a whole lotta them, Duck Hunt! There’s no way we can fight ‘em all off! Better run, bud!

 **Duck Hunt:** All right, Duck!

_(The Duo run toward a room filled with spikes. They stop suddenly.)_

What.

 **Master Hand:** _(Space Jumps to Duo)_ That was disappointing.

 **Duck:** What’re ya talkin’ bout? Look!

_(He points his beak toward the spikes. Some fall down quickly and go back up repeatedly.)_

If anythin’, _that’s_ disappointin’.

 **Master Hand:** _(impatiently)_ That’s enough of your complaints. Go!

_(The Duo run through and get hit by falling spikes a few times. Their damage percentage is at 70% and they stop near a ledge.)_

**Duck:** _(pants)_ Phew! Now what?

_(Duck Hunt looks over the ledge and sees a stationary turret in the air with a skull-like face and two cannons.)_

**Duck Hunt:** Hey! That’s a Rotor—no, Rotoring—no—

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs)_ A Roturret. It’s best to be careful here.

 **Duck and Duck Hunt:** Right.

_(The Duo jump into one of the two compartments rotating around the Roturret, which turns and shoots toward them.)_

AAHH!

 **Duck:** This is gonna get ugly!

 **Duck Hunt:** We’ll be fine, bud! Just a bit more ‘til we get to the other side!

_(The Roturret continues to shoot at their compartment as it continues to move, then the Duo jump off and get shot a few times. Damage percentage is at 128%.)_

Ouch!

_(The trio stop in a tiny room.)_

**Duck:** Master Hand!

 **Master Hand:** There’s not much more to the first part of the Ruins, Duck!

 **Duck and Duck Hunt:** Wait, WHAT?!

 **Duck:** This is just the first part of the entire place?!

 **Master Hand:** Yes.

_(The Duo groan out of fatigue and frustration. Master Hand walks toward the opposite ledge and looks down.)_

Luckily, this _(points down toward three switches on three platforms)_ should be easy for you to do.

 **Duck Hunt:** What now? _(the Duo walk toward Master Hand and look down)_ Switches, huh. Hope this is it.

_(The Duo jump down to hit one of the switches. The platform and a piece of floor underneath it disappear.)_

Whoa!

_(The Duo jump to another platform and hit another switch. It’s also false.)_

Really?

_(The Duo jump to the remaining platform and hit the last switch. They start to fall.)_

A door!

 **Duck:** Go in it! _(they go through and Master Hand Space Jumps after them)_

_(The trio materialize in a long hallway filled with fire traps and a few bottomless pits.)_

**Master Hand:** You must keep advancing, Duck Hunt Duo!

 **Duck:** Are ya kiddin’ me, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** I’m saying that because there’s a moving blast line behind us!

 **Duck:** How’d ya know?

 **Master Hand:** My brother and I created this course, Duck. I remember much of its layout.

 **Duck:** _(sarcastically)_ Of course!

_(After running for a few minutes, losing a stock, dodging fire traps, ignoring a minecart, and breaking blocks…)_

**Duck Hunt:** Finally!

_(The trio go on a platform that begins to descend.)_

_(sighs and closes eyes)_ All’s good—

 **Duck:** Whoa! _(notices sharp crystals)_ These’re pretty, but also sharp-lookin’!

 **Duck Hunt:** _(eyes slowly open)_ What?

_(Crystals quickly grow behind him and inflict damage. Damage percentage is at 138%.)_

What the?

_(More crystals grow to the length of the platform. The Duo run to the opposite side, drop through a few platforms and defeat a Fire Primid, and get back to the descending platform. Two Metal Primids jump down and attack the Duo.)_

**Duck:** Give us a break already!

_(The Duo fight the Primids and get poked by crystals. Damage percentage is at 177%. Metal Primids defeated, and the platform descends close to a door.)_

**Duck Hunt:** All right!

_(The trio go through the door, which leads to a room filled with moving platforms. The Duo run and jump to the far side of the room and grab a heart container. D.P. is reduced to 77%.)_

**Duck:** _(happily)_ Good find, bud! Let’s get back! _(they go back toward the door with Master Hand waiting nearby)_

 **Master Hand:** Are you two ready?

 **Duck Hunt:** Yeah.

_(Master Hand opens the door, and the Duo reappear in the pit and fall. Master Hand Space Jumps after the Duo and they all land at the bottom.)_

**Duck Hunt:** _(looks into a hallway and sees a human-shaped figure)_ Look, guys! Someone’s here with us!

 **Duck:** Who’s it?

 **Duck Hunt:** Dunno. Guess we check it out!

_(They run into the long hallway. They stop, and Duck’s beak and Duck Hunt’s jaw drop. A greyish mustached man in camouflage hunting clothing and holding a NES Zapper is standing still in the middle of the hallway. He is on top of a trophy stand.)_

**Duck Hunt:** _(muttering)_ My gosh.

_(He runs toward the trophy and slaps a paw on its stand. A flash, and the man loses his grey, shiny look and his clothing turns green. He stumbles a bit and massages his head.)_

**?:** _(in a drawl)_ Ugh… where…? Where the heck am I?

 **Duck:** _(happily)_ Mr. Hogan! _(flies and tackles him, knocking him to the floor)_ How’d ya get here? Duck Hunt and I were lookin’ all over for ya!

 **Hogan:** … Duck? That really you?

 **Duck:** Uh, yessir.

 **Hogan:** _(to Duck Hunt)_ … And you're Duck Hunt?

 **Duck Hunt:** _(happily)_ Yessir!

 **Hogan:** _(sits up, then smiles and opens his arms)_ C’mere, ya two.

_(The Duo run into his arms and he gives them a hug.)_

_(to Master Hand)_ I’ve gotta thank ya, Mr. …

 **Master Hand:** I am Master Hand, Hogan.

 **Hogan:** _(raises eyebrows in confusion)_ Really?

 **Duck Hunt:**  Yeah, Mr. Hogan! That guy’s Master Hand. Y’know, the one that gives out the announcements and the hand that we fight in Classic Mode.

 **Hogan:** _(surprised)_ You're kiddin’ me, Duck Hunt. So ‘ow come he looks like any other old fella in a fancy white suit right now?

 **Master Hand:** _(chuckles)_ I’m afraid that what you said is simply untrue, Hogan. _(to Duck Hunt)_ Duck Hunt, use Trick Shot.

 **Duck Hunt:** Uh, okay.

_(He kicks a can. Master Hand creates a NES Zapper and shoots at the can until it explodes.)_

**Hogan:** _(surprised)_ What in tarnation? How’d ya do that? I thought I was the only one that could do those tricks. _(warily)_ Are ya tryin’ to steal ‘em?

 **Master Hand:** No, but what I’ve just demonstrated were my creating powers and fighting prowess, Hogan. Was that sufficient proof?

 **Hogan:** Well, ya sure sound an awful lot like that announcer guy.

 **Master Hand:** I _am_ the Announcer.

 **Hogan:** If you're Master Hand, how come ya don’t look like a hand?

_(After much recounting of events later by Master Hand and the Duo…)_

**Hogan:** … Oookay. Now that’s a mouthful if I’ve ever heard of one!

 **Duck:** Gotta agree with ya there.

 **Duck Hunt:** Yeah, so now we’ve gotta get these _Fire Emblem_ guys and the interviewer back. Wonder if they’ll be Smashers for the next Tournament. _(to Master Hand)_ Are we gonna be in, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** It’s not guaranteed that you three will be invited for the next Tournament, though I am considering it. In the meantime, we have yet to reach the Ruined Hall.

 **Duck Hunt:** Oh yeah! Almost forgot about that. _(sniffs the air)_ Hold up, somethin’s weird.

 **Duck:** What’s weird?

 **Duck Hunt:** I dunno if it’s just me, but this one seems to be comin’ from someplace close. I thought that smell from earlier was from Mr. Hogan or Master Hand’s brother, but this one’s different!

_(He runs toward a large platform. Everyone else follows him and the platform moves horizontally to the other side (with a few fire traps on the ceiling and a bottomless pit along the way) and they get off.)_

_(After a few minutes of hitting switches that open up sliding doors, defeating Bytans, and entering a door… they find another platform.)_

**Duck:** All right! I’m guessin’ we’re almost there. Right, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** Yes, Duck. I assure you that this will lead us directly to the Ruined Hall.

 **Duck Hunt:** How’re ya, Mr. Hogan? Glad to be helpin’ me and Duck again?

 **Hogan:** Yep. Can’t say for sure how I ended up in these here Ruins, but all I remember was gettin’ knocked out by somethin’ and everythin’ went black for me ‘til all of y’all showed up.

 **Duck Hunt:** That’s weird. I’ve been knocked out by somethin’ too.

 **Hogan:** Really? _(notices someone standing on the opposite side of the platform)_ Hey, you there! What’re ya doin’? Are ya comin’ with us too?

 **Duck Hunt:** _(sniffs the air)_ Ugh! That’s that weird smell! And it’s not good!

_(He looks at Master Hand, who’s standing still and appears to be concentrating on the figure, who is wearing a black coat with a hood.)_

_(to Master Hand)_ Whaddaya think, Master Hand? Who’s this guy?

 **Master Hand:** I’ve read his thoughts, Duck Hunt, and it appears his mind has been corrupted.

 **Hogan:** Speak English, sir!

 **Duck:** Yeah, what’s goin’ on?

 **Master Hand:** _(to hooded figure)_ Show yourself! Are you a Smasher or not?

_(The figure turns around and removes his hood. He is a white-haired teenager with yellow eyes, surrounded with a dark purplish aura, and armed with a bronze sword.)_

**Hogan:** Hold up, son. You all right?

 **Duck Hunt:** Uh, Master Hand? I don’ think he wants to talk with us.

 **Master Hand:** And you would be correct, Duck Hunt.

 **Duck Hunt:** That means we’ve gotta fight, right?

 **Master Hand:** Yes. I’ll leave the fighting to you three, because I have announcing duties.

 **Duck:** Wait, what?

 **Master Hand:** Think of this as any other match, and you’ll do fine. I bid all of you good luck!

_(He smiles and gives the Duo and Hogan a thumbs-up gesture with both hands before he gets on a nearby floating platform. A headset materializes on him.)_

3… 2… 1… GO!

 _(He snaps his fingers and_ “Conquest (Ablaze)” _from_ Fire Emblem Awakening _plays.)_


	8. Team's Into the Gate

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Master Hand and his team fight against a false copy of a teenager. The interviewer tries to escape. Title references the special Pokémon episode “Team Go-Getters Out of the Gate!” (which is based on the Pokémon Mystery Dungeon games).

**Duck Hunt:** All right, Duck! Let’s go get ‘im!

 **Duck:** Uh, right!

_(The Duo charge after the teen. They attack each other for a while, their D.P. reaching 87% and 40% respectively. The teen rushes and grabs the Duo, pummels them by using magic, then turns around and magically throws them backwards. The Duo break their fall and their D.P. is at 97%.)_

**Hogan:** _(from a distant floating platform)_ Great job there, y’all! Just a lil' bit more—

_(The teen uses a smash attack, and the Duo are sent flying. They lose one stock.)_

Dang it.

_(The Duo reappear on one end of the platform.)_

**Duck:** This guy’s kinda tough! Who the heck’s he s’posed to be?

 **Duck Hunt:** _(runs toward the teen)_ Dunno, but at least he’s got one stock!

_(He slides onto his chest and forepaws, thrusting his lower back forward.)_

Ha!

 **Duck:** Gotcha!

_(He pecks at the teen, whose D.P. is at 50%.)_

**Duck Hunt:** _(throws a clay pigeon toward the teen)_ Mr. Hogan!

 **Hogan:** On it! _(shoots at clay pigeon and damages the teen)_

_(The teen attacks the Duo with his bronze sword, then tosses it away to pull out a sword with a golden hilt and attacks them repeatedly until they get launched into the air. Their D.P. is at 43%.)_

**Duck:** The heck? _Another_ sword? _(uses Duck Jump)_

 **Duck Hunt:** _(yells)_ This guy’s a cheat, Mr. Hogan! Whaddaya say we do?

_(The Duo lands and Duck Hunt kicks a can toward the teen.)_

**Hogan:** Keep at it, boys! Kid’s almost done for!

_(He shoots the can toward the teen and it explodes. The teen’s D.P. is at 107% and is launched off the stage. He uses some kind of wind magic (with pink gusts) to propel himself higher into the air and back toward the stage.)_

**Duck:** What the?

_(The teen slams his sword onto the Duo as he lands. Their D.P. is at 59%.)_

**Duck Hunt:** Looks like he’s pretty hurt though! Now let’s smash attack ‘im!

 **Duck:** Okay! _(they charge up for a smash attack)_

 **Hogan:** _(readies his Zapper as the teen rushes toward the Duo)_ At the ready boys!

 **Duck:** Fire at ‘im!

_(They unleash a smash attack and the teen is launched out of the stage, a streak of light following him.)_

_(to Duck Hunt)_ Actually, that was kinda easy.

 **Master Hand:** GAME!

_(He snaps his fingers; the music stops; his headset dematerializes; and he and Hogan teleport to the platform the Duo and the teen are on.)_

Congratulations, Hogan and Duck Hunt Duo.

_(He looks at the teen, who has turned into a trophy that’s on its side.)_

Now to take care of this.

_(He walks toward the trophy, then stops walking and watches, with a mild surprised look on his face, the trophy dissolve into small, glowing, violet spheres that skitter away on the floor.)_

**Hogan, Duck, and Duck Hunt:** _(horrified and disgusted)_ Ugh!

 **Hogan:** The heck are these, Mr. Hand?

 **Duck:** These things look creepy!

 **Duck Hunt:** Yeah! What’re they?

 **Master Hand:** These are called Shadow Bugs. They used to make up much of the Subspace Army, using a primordial substance extracted from Mr. Game & Watch, though as to why some continue to exist outside of him is a bit of a mystery. Perhaps these are specimens that gained minds of their own after the events of “That Time”, but I cannot say if that’s certainly true.

 **Hogan:** Extracted? So someone kidnapped Mr. G. & W. and made a whole army outta him with these things?

 **Master Hand:** Yes.

 **Hogan:** Well, I’ll be!

 **Duck:** Ugh! That’s messed up.

 **Duck Hunt:** Yeah.

_(He notices Master Hand creating a bottle and putting it on the floor. The Shadow Bugs go into the bottle as if they are attracted to it.)_

Uh, what’re ya doin’, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** Capturing these Shadow Bugs so they won’t escape and cause further trouble.

_(The bottle fills up with Shadow Bugs, he closes it, and snaps his fingers to make it disappear.)_

There. We shouldn’t have to deal with false characters anytime soon.

 **Hogan:** How ‘bout the kid? What’re we gonna do with ‘im?

 **Master Hand:** I was getting to that.

_(He walks toward the “real” trophy and touches the base. A flash, and the teenager loses his grey, shiny look.)_

**?:** _(groans)_ That… hurt…

 **Master Hand:** Are you all right, Morgan? _(pulls Morgan to his feet)_

 **Morgan:** _(stumbles a bit)_ Father… Mother… what…

 **Master Hand:** It’s all right, Morgan. We’re _(gestures to himself, Hogan, and the Duo)_ trying to find them. I’m sorry that you and the others were dragged into this mess, but I promise that we will find them and deal with this.

 **Hogan:** Uh, who’s this kid, Mr. Hand?

 **Duck:** Yeah, who’s he really?

 **Duck Hunt:** Wait one minute. There’s somethin’ familiar here. _(goes to Morgan and sniffs him)_

 **Morgan:** _(startled, backs off and pulls out a sword)_ Ah! Get away!

 **Duck Hunt:** _(startled)_ Whoa, wait! Sorry, kid! Ya just remind me of someone, that’s all!

 **Morgan:** What do you mean?

 **Master Hand:** Morgan, it’s all right.

 **Morgan:** _(stops backing off and lowers his sword)_ Huh? Who are you?

 **Master Hand:** I am Master Hand.

 **Duck Hunt:** Sorry ‘bout that. I’m Duck Hunt, kid.

_(He stands on two legs and shakes his paw with Morgan’s hand, then drops back to all four legs. Morgan is still startled.)_

**Duck:** _(flies and walks up to Morgan)_ And I’m Duck.

 **Hogan:** _(walks to Morgan)_ Name’s Hogan, son. Robert Hogan, the “Wild Gunman.”  _(shakes hands with Morgan)_ Nice to meet ya.

 **Morgan:** I-I’m Morgan, sir.

 **Duck:** _(whispering to Duck Hunt)_ Master Hand told us ‘bout his dad, but I’m guessin’ he doesn’t really look like him.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(whispering to Duck)_ Yeah. More like Miss Robin.

 **Morgan:** _(narrows eyes in suspicion)_ What’s going on? _(to Duck and Duck Hunt)_ Wait. Y-you’re a dog and a duck.

 **Duck and Duck Hunt:** Yeah?

 **Morgan:** H-how… can you—?

 **Master Hand:** Remember that you are in the _Super Smash Bros._ universe, Morgan. One of the rules my brother and I have established here is the nonexistence of a language barrier, barring a few exceptions.

 **Morgan:** What?

 **Master Hand:** Almost everyone can talk and understand each other, at least in this universe. It doesn’t matter whether you are a human, animal, supernatural creature, or whatnot. It’s to allow for better and easier communication between different races and species.

 **Morgan:** So it’s like magic, right?

 **Master Hand:** _(shrugs)_ In a way, though it is a bit more complex and dynamic, and aided with a bit of advanced technology.

 **Morgan:** Oh. Wait, you said your name was Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** Yes, Morgan.

 **Morgan:** I remember you. So… you’re real then.

 **Master Hand:** _(slightly amused)_ Erm, yes. I’m certainly real, Morgan, but what exactly do you mean by that?

 **Morgan:** My mother told me and my father stories about her time here in this universe. I’ve heard there were people and creatures of all kinds from other universes that were invited here to fight. That you and another hand made this universe… er, what’s his name? I can’t remember.

 **Master Hand:** His name is Crazy Hand. He’s… my brother.

 **Morgan:** _(surprised)_ Sibling gods? Well… _(chuckles)_ My father used to tell me stories about a god and a goddess that used to influence two parts of an ancient land, though he scoffed at their existence. _(sighs)_ Sometimes I wish I had a brother. Or a sister. In my world, Lucina has a brother named Inigo. I’ve heard they got along well.

 **Hogan:** Uh, sorry to break things, but I think we gotta go and get your mom and dad back to ya, kid.

 **Morgan:** Oh, yeah! Where are my parents? Are they here?

 **Master Hand:** Yes. However, they’ve been captured.

 **Morgan:** Captured? By whom? _(narrows eyes in suspicion)_ Wait, you’re not a part of this, are you?

 **Hogan:** Nuh-uh, kid. We didn’t do anythin’ to your parents and friends.

 **Duck:** Serious.

 **Duck Hunt:** Ya trust us, right?

 **Morgan:** _(looks at Hogan and the Duo)_ Hmm… All right. _(sighs)_ Yeah, I guess I’ll need your help. Thank you. _(to Master Hand)_ I can’t remember much after the interview. What happened to them exactly?

 **Master Hand:** After my brother unceremoniously barged into the interviewing session, he warped everyone that was present there. Prior to that, the interviewer received a little gift from me—a modified coin used in Coin Battles—and flipped it in an attempt to summon me and deal with the situation. Apparently, it was a bit too late, and I wasn’t able to stop my brother.

 **Morgan:** But aren’t you essentially a god? You could have dealt with him easily.

 **Master Hand:** Yes, but unfortunately I am temporarily depowered.

_(He recaps the events in the previous Parts while the platform they’re on starts to move slowly. Many minutes later…)_

_(Hogan and the Duo are fast asleep, with their faces mysteriously emitting bubbles.)_

**Morgan:** So you knew that most of this was going to happen because of an argument between you and your brother?

 **Master Hand:** Yes. It’s incredibly petty, but it’s something that happens often.

_(The platform stops moving, as it has reached the beginning of a long hallway.)_

We’re here.

_(He creates and uses a firework cone, which bursts and makes a loud noise that surprises Morgan and wakes up Hogan and the Duo.)_

**Duck:** _(grumbles)_ Ugh… just a bit… more…

 **Hogan:** _(grumbles)_ Are we there yet?

 **Master Hand:** _(with an annoyed sigh)_ Do I need to repeat myself?

 **Hogan:** _(shakes head)_ No sir.

 **Duck:** Nope! _(pokes at Duck Hunt with his beak)_ Come on, bud.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(yawns)_ All right, all right! _(stands up)_ Yep. I’m good to go.

 **Master Hand:** Good.

 **Morgan:** Right. Then let’s go.

_(Everyone gets off the platform and walk toward the hallway.)_

_(Location: the Ruined Hall. Events and characters: the interviewer is trying to pry the brick wall that is blocking one of the entrances to the Hall.)_

**Interviewer:** _(grumbles)_ Come on… open…

_(Crazy Hand is in human form and is busy looking at the List.)_

**Crazy Hand:** _(bored and without looking away)_ Kid, you’ve been at that wall for like an hour. There’s no way you’re gonna get through it by punching it with your weak fists.

 **Interviewer:** _(angrily)_ Oh, will you shut up! If you’d just stop playing the bad guy for once and help me out I’d be fine, but it’s just way too obvious that you aren’t! I don’t even know why you’re doing this to me and my _Fire Emblem_ interviewees anyway! _(punches the wall)_ Ouch!

 **Crazy Hand:** Dang it, bro! After throwing everything right at you, all you’ve done is plow through everything like scissors through paper! _(to self)_ Hey, we should play that game together again. I always loved Rock, Paper, Scissors.

 **Interviewer:** You’re! _(punch)_ Not! _(punch)_ Helping! _(punch)_ Dang, what’s this made of?

 _(She shakes her hands to ease the pain. There is_ _a loud noise from behind the wall and dust falls onto the floor.)_

Whoa. I know I didn’t do that.

 **Crazy Hand:** _(turns around to interviewer)_ What’s going on back there? _(eyes widen with worry)_ Oh, wait…

_(There are muffled voices behind the wall.)_

**?:** _(in a drawl)_ —wall’s tougher than anythin’ I know. Least blowin’ it up’s not an option.

 **?:** _(teenage boy’s voice)_ Let me try. —Gale! _(loud whoosh of wind (?))_

 **?:** _(in a nasal voice)_ That didn’t work either.

 **?:** _(with a woof)_ Yep.

 **?:** _(in a low, smooth baritone)_ Wait. I’ll do it.

 **?:** _(in a drawl)_ Uh, don’t think punchin’ will—

 **?:** _(_ _in a low, smooth baritone)_ Haaaaaaa.. HAAH!

_(The wall is broken down and there is a giant hole, revealing Master Hand, Hogan, Morgan, and the Duo. Crazy Hand telekinetically moves the List to the far side of the Hall.)_

**Duck Hunt:** Wow. So that’s what they call a dramatic entrance.

 **Duck:** Yeah.

 **Hogan:** Uh, so what exactly are we doin’? Waitin’ for somethin’ to happen?

 **Morgan:** I’m not really sure, Mr. Hogan. Taking in the glory of breaking down a wall to rescue someone, maybe?

 **Interviewer:** Uh, thanks guys. Hated to deal with him. _(points to Crazy Hand, who looks insulted)_

 **Master Hand:** _(dusts off hands/glove)_ Oh, you’re welcome. _(to Crazy Hand)_ Greetings, brother! How nice is it to see you again!

 **Crazy Hand:** _(angrily)_ GAH! I can’t believe it! I can’t believe you got me again, bro!

 **Master Hand:** Well, I can. Surprisingly for someone that is the embodiment of destruction, you are very predictable. It’s almost disappointing.

 **Crazy Hand:** _(clenches and unclenches gloved hand a few times)_ … Urgh…

 **Master Hand:** Stunned into silence, I take it?

 **Interviewer:** _(frustrated)_ Come on, guys! Can we just get this over with already? I need my interviewees back and I want to get out of here!

 **Crazy Hand:** _(grins)_ Oh no you don’t! If you wanna get to the List, you gotta go through me!

_(He turns into his hand form. Master Hand runs toward the List but is punched and sent flying to the wall.)_

**Master Hand:** _(gets back up)_ I need that List!

 **Duck Hunt:** C’mon guys! Let’s get Crazy Hand! _(runs toward Crazy Hand)_

 **Duck:** Duck Hunt, no! _(flies to Duck Hunt)_

 **Hogan:** Boys, what’re ya—

_(The Duo jump up and do an aerial cartwheel that hits Crazy Hand.)_

**Crazy Hand:** All right, losers! _(rises up to prepare for a punch)_

 **Duck:** Get outta the way, bud!

_(Duck Hunt jumps backward. Crazy Hand tries and fails to punch the Duo.)_

**Crazy Hand:** More where that came from! _(quickly punches two more times; the last one hits the Duo, who are sent flying into a wall)_

 **Duck and Duck Hunt:** Ouch…

 **Duck:** _(sarcastically)_ Thanks, bud.

 **Crazy Hand:** _(evil laugh)_ If you’re really serious of wanting to get your friends back, you gotta go through one more thing!

 **Master Hand:** _(very irritated)_ What is it now, brother?

 **Crazy Hand:** Look, bro!

_(He snaps his fingers and four covered things (?) materialize in the middle of the Hall.)_

Now hurry up and pick two!

 **Interviewer:** Hey Master Hand, don’t you think that this is a stupid game we’re about to play? I mean, this could be a trap or something.

 **Master Hand:** I know that. But after everything I’ve been through, I’ve had enough of my brother and what he has done to me. Playing this game will only end our problems, and now is the best time to do it. _(walks toward strange things)_

 **Morgan:** I have to agree, Master Hand. _(Master Hand stops walking)_ What if it  _is_ a trap? Maybe your brother is lying about my parents and friends. We should consider another option.

 **Hogan:** Yeah, Mr. Hand. How ‘bout one where I can let my boys have a bit of rest?

 **Master Hand:** ENOUGH!

_(A long silence in the Hall.)_

**Crazy Hand:** Uh, bro? Are you gonna pick two peeps or what?

 **Master Hand:** This  _is_ the only way to set things right. To get my true form and my powers back, _(to Morgan)_ to get your parents and Chrom and Lissa back, _(to interviewer)_ and to get your interviewees back, as well as possibly sending you back to where you came from.

 **Interviewer:** Hey! I’m not that useless or annoying, if that’s what you’re thinking! I just wish to talk to some people and learn about them!

 **Master Hand:** That’s not what I meant.

 **Interviewer:** Well, I’ve had enough of this!

_(She walks toward the broken down wall, but it magically fixes itself and closes the entrance.)_

What the?

_(A white light shines from that section of the wall and spreads throughout the entire perimeter of the Hall.)_

**Crazy Hand:** _(wags a finger mockingly)_ Ah-ah-ah! You don’t just leave a show when it’s about to get started!

 **Interviewer:** What’s going on?

 **Crazy Hand:** _(sighs)_ Come on! Anyone know what’s a boss battle?

 **Interviewer:** _(facepalm)_ Ugh! Are you kidding me? Right now?

 **Crazy Hand:** Nope!

 **Morgan:** Sorry to interrupt, but what happens in a boss battle?

 **Master Hand:** It’s very simple. You have to defeat the main threat to progress, and most of the time, you cannot run or escape from it. And also—

 **Crazy Hand:** YOU’RE STALLING! Quit giving a boring talk about Boss Battles 101, bro!

 **Master Hand:** FINE!

_(He resumes walking toward the four covered things. He stops and looks at each one, then lifts a bit of one of the covers.)_

**Crazy Hand:** _(floats over to Master Hand and pokes him)_ Hey! No peeking! Just touch the trophy bases, then after that, I get two!

 **Master Hand:** And you’re sure that you won’t pull off any more tricks and schemes to get back at me?

 **Crazy Hand:** I pinky swear it, bro.

_(Master Hand touches two trophy bases. The trophies lose their shiny, grey color and Chrom and Robin stumble for a bit.)_

**Interviewer:** _(runs toward them)_ Oh my gosh! Are you guys okay?

 **Robin:** _(massaging her head)_ Ugh… what… happened?

 **Chrom:** _(shakes head)_ Yes… can someone… explain?

 **Interviewer:** You were turned into trophies by Crazy Hand. But you’re fine now, guys.

_(The interviewer gulps and watches Crazy Hand loom over the Hall.)_

_(anxiously)_ Just for now, though.


	9. Debugging

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The group faces Crazy Hand and false copies of two people.

_(A swarm of Shadow Bugs “crawl” from within the walls and into the Hall. Everyone except Master Hand and Crazy Hand are freaking out.)_

**Duck and Duck Hunt:** AAAAH!

 **Hogan:** Goshdarnit, these things again!

 **Chrom:** What the—are these the things that control Risen?!

 **Robin:** I don’t think so, Chrom! These look different!

 **Morgan:** These are Shadow Bugs, Mother!

 **Interviewer:** Sheesh! What do we do now?

 **Crazy Hand:** _(evil laugh)_ Hey now, bro! What do you think of my bug collection? Kinda cool, don’t you think?

 **Master Hand:** _(rolls his eyes, deadpan)_ Exquisite.

 **Crazy Hand:** Not sure what that means, but I’ll take that as a yes! Trouble is, I kind of let them out… by accident. Aaaand that’s why they’re here. Oops.

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs)_ You… have got to be kidding me.

 **Crazy Hand:** Good thing is, I kinda made up a game that’ll make the cleanup a whole lot more fun. It’ll have _(points to interviewer)_ you, _(to Chrom)_ you, _(to Robin)_ you, _(to Morgan)_ you, _(to Hogan and the Duo)_ all of you guys, and… _(to Master Hand)_ you, bro.

 **Hogan:** Hold up, why’re we in this? We didn’t sign up for—

 **Crazy Hand:** Oh, will you SHUT UP?

_(Morgan, Robin, and Chrom run and stop near Master Hand and Crazy Hand.)_

**Robin:** _(to Crazy Hand)_ Crazy Hand! Are you going to let Walhart go?

 **Chrom:** _(to Crazy Hand)_ And Lissa?

 **Crazy Hand:** Yeah, yeah, sure. Problem is…

_(Shadow Bugs swarm over the remaining trophies. A false copy of Walhart and Lissa appear.)_

**Morgan:** _(horrified)_ Dad, no!

_(He runs toward Walhart, who takes aim at him with a Super Scope and prepares to charge up a shot.)_

What the—

 **Robin:** MORGAN!

_(Walhart fires a shot, and Morgan barely dodges it as he runs back to the group.)_

**Crazy Hand:** _(laughs)_ Too bad! These bugs have already turned them to “falsies”, as I like to call them!

 **Robin:** YOU DASTARD! THAT’S MY HUSBAND AND MY SON!

 **Crazy Hand:** _(points to Walhart)_ Really? This guy? Silly human! Looks more like a secret agent with a horse’s butt for a head than your significant other or something!

 **Robin:** YOU DID NOT—

_(She pulls out her Levin Sword and tries to run toward Crazy Hand, but is held back by the interviewer and Chrom.)_

**Interviewer:** Wait!

 **Chrom:** Robin! Don’t!

 **Robin:** No! He’s insulted—and he’s done—something to them—to _him_ —

 **Interviewer:** Yeah, we know that!

 **Chrom:** But this isn’t something where you simply put your life on the line like that! There’s worse—

 **Robin:** Yes—it—is!

 **Interviewer:** Come on, Robin! Why are you—

 **Robin:** Because I can’t risk fighting and possibly losing the ones I love again!

_(She stops struggling and takes deep breaths. Chrom and the interviewer release her.)_

**Interviewer:** What?

 **Robin:** _(sighs)_ Do you know Grima? And the Grimleal?

 **Interviewer:** I’ve heard of them, yeah.

 **Chrom:** Yes, Robin. But what does that have to do with Walhart and my sister?

 **Robin:** Remember when I tried to kill you, Chrom?

 **Chrom:** Yes… but don’t you remember something else?

 **Robin:** Huh?

 **Chrom:** You didn’t strike a fatal blow on me that day. You weakened your attack, and that’s why we were able to defeat him. Your father, I mean. Then you gave me the Fire Emblem, and the rest… was history.

 **Robin:** What are you getting to, Chrom?

 **Chrom:** _(smiles)_ Remember that you are the best tactician I’ve ever known, and I’d hate for you to forget that brilliant, strategic mind of yours. You were, after all, always a step ahead.

 **Morgan:** _(walks up to Robin)_ Mom?

 **Robin:** Morgan?

 **Morgan:** _(to Chrom)_ Excuse me, but may I talk with my mother for a moment?

_(Chrom nods, and Morgan and Robin walk toward the wall and whisper to each other about something.)_

**Crazy Hand:** Ugh! Quit taking forever, guys! I hate it when you have to plan things out instead of getting on with it already!

_(Robin and Morgan walk toward Master Hand.)_

**Robin:** Can you convince your brother to make his game somewhat similar to how we fight in our world?

 **Master Hand:** _(nods, to Crazy Hand)_ Brother!

 **Crazy Hand:** What now?

 **Master Hand:** Is it possible for your so-called game to be… fair to those who are from the _Fire Emblem_ universe?

 **Interviewer:** Okay, what the heck are you guys up to?

 **Crazy Hand:** _(as if stroking an invisible chin)_ Uh… let’s see… _(snaps fingers)_ Yep!

_(Everyone except the interviewer is standing on specific spots on the floor, with Crazy Hand and co. and the List occupying one side of the Hall, and Master Hand and co. on the opposite side.)_

Well, there you go! Oh, and I almost forgot! _(floats over to the interviewer)_ Catch this!

_(He drops a 3DS then turns to float toward the List.)_

**Interviewer:** _(gasps, then runs and catches it)_ Phew! I was wondering where this went. _(looks up at Crazy Hand, annoyed)_ But don’t do that again! That’s mine, you know!

 **Crazy Hand:** Whatever! Just hurry up and get ready! You wanna save your friends from me, right?

 **Interviewer:** All right, all right! _(opens up 3DS to see a map of the Hall on one of the screens)_ Wait… what? You’re kidding me. This is ridiculous! Why is everything like something out of _Fire Emblem_? _(looks at each character on the map)_ But I’m not in it?

 **Crazy Hand:** Of course not, silly! You’re playing a map, right?

 **Interviewer:** Wait, what?

 **Crazy Hand:** _(sighs, then points at Chrom, Robin, and Morgan)_ You know these guys right? _(interviewer nods)_ You play _Fire_ _Emblem_ or any kind of video games at least?

 **Interviewer:** What’s that supposed to mean? _(looks at each character on the map again)_ And Duck Hunt’s not a _Fire Emblem_ character!

 **Hogan:** Yeah, why’re we dragged into this?

 **Crazy Hand:** You forget things a lot? You’re in this ‘cause I said so!

 **Duck:** But how’re we gonna fight?

 **Duck Hunt:** This isn’t a _Smash_ match, that’s for sure.

 **Interviewer:** Hold on. _(moves cursor above the Duo and Hogan and looks at their class description)_ This is weird. So your class is “Hunter”?

 **Hogan:** That’s gotta be talkin’ ‘bout me. Dunno whatcha mean with “class”, though.

 **Interviewer:** _(moves cursor to Walhart)_ What kind of a class does Walhart have anyway, with all of these question marks I’m seeing? And I don’t remember guns in a _Fire Emblem_ game!

 **Crazy Hand:** _(“shrugging” gesture)_ Ever heard of _Advance Wars_? _(interviewer shakes head)_ How sad! Anyway, it must’ve been that one Illegal Seal I’ve used on him.

 **Interviewer:** _(confused)_ What?

 **Master Hand:** I hate to interrupt, but _(angrily)_ WHAT EXACTLY DID YOU JUST SAY?!

 **Crazy Hand:** Huh?

 **Master Hand:** Don’t try to play dumb with me, brother! _(sighs)_ I can’t believe you sometimes.

 **Crazy Hand:** All right, all right. Yeah… sorry about that. _(muttering)_ Not really.

 **Master Hand:** Then you know that those aren’t meant to be used on anyone.

 **Interviewer:** What are you guys talking about?

 **Master Hand:** An Illegal Seal. They’re not supposed to exist, unless you—how should I say this—hack them into existence. They appear to be corrupted Second Seals, which you may be familiar with if you know class changes in _Fire Emblem_.

 **Interviewer:** Hm, so Illegal Seals are like messed up Second Seals or something. And now that I’ve thought about them, they kinda seem to be paradoxes too, am I right?

 **Master Hand:** Don’t think about it too hard. What’s more important to know is that the only way you can undo an Illegal Seal’s effects is to defeat the person that has their class changed by it then use a Second Seal. Now set up everyone’s positions and equip them with what they need.

_(The interviewer looks through each player unit character and arranges their positions on the map and gives them items and weapons. She moves the cursor over Master Hand, who is outlined in green.)_

**Interviewer:** Why are you a green ally unit, Master Hand?

 **Crazy Hand:** Oh yeah, I almost forgot this one. If my bro wants to get to the List, he can’t attack anyone. _(to Master Hand)_ So don’t try any underhanded things, bro!

 **Interviewer:** So I can’t use the most powerful unit in this fake map? Is it against the rules for using OP units or something?

 **Master Hand:** No, it’s just that my brother and I would cause anomalies in reality, or glitches. After all, we’re not intended to be playable, and I would hate to be exploited through something like that _Melee_ glitch or through hacking, though I may be able to help by fixing a few things.

 **Crazy Hand:** Yep! We’d break the game! And ‘cause this is like a _Fire Emblem_ map, you gotta play by _Fire Emblem_ rules. So, turn-based strategy time, you hear me? And no pair-ups and skills on any of your units! Or even try to get into the game yourself!

 **Interviewer:** Really?

_(The interviewer presses the start button. A prompt appears, asking “Start the battle?”, and they select “Yes”. The words “Victory: Get to the List and rout the enemy!” appear on the 3DS screen.)_

Um, okay…

 **Robin:** Listen! Our goal is to make sure that Master Hand gets to the List as soon as possible and that we _(sighs)_ defeat Walhart, Lissa, and Crazy Hand.

 **Morgan:** Does everyone have an elixir with them? _(the other Player Units check to see if they have a blue flask)_ Right. We only have a very limited amount of healing items, so we should only use them when we really need them.

 **Interviewer:** Okay, well, I’m ready whenever you guys are.

 **Chrom:** Then we’re set, then. Onward!

 **Crazy Hand:** I’ll set the mood up! _(snaps fingers,_ “Divine Decree” _plays)_

_(Player Phase)_

_(Interviewer moves Chrom for 6 tiles; Robin for 6 tiles; Morgan for 6 tiles; and the Duo for 6 tiles.)_

_(Enemy Phase)_

**Crazy Hand:** My—I mean, our turn!

_(Crazy Hand moves for 3 tiles; Walhart for 5 tiles; and Lissa for 6 tiles.)_

_(Ally Phase)_

**Master Hand:** _(muttering)_ You and I will have a talk after this, Crazy. _(moves for 6 tiles)_

_(Player Phase)_

_(Chrom moves for 6 tiles; Robin for 6 tiles; Morgan for 6 tiles; and the Duo for 4 tiles.)_

_(Enemy Phase)_

_(Walhart moves for 5 tiles and engages with Robin.)_

**Robin:** Walhart… I’m sorry I have to do this, dear—

_(Walhart fires the Super Scope and hits Robin 5 times and deals 38 damage. Robin cannot attack due to Walhart being out of her range.)_

_(Lissa moves for 5 tiles; Crazy Hand for 5 tiles.)_

_(Ally Phase)_

_(Master Hand moves for 8 tiles.)_

_(Player Phase)_

_(Robin moves for 4 tiles and engages with Walhart; she attacks with Thoron and deals 10 damage (Aegis activates). Walhart doesn’t attack and charges up a shot, and Robin attacks again and deals 9 damage (Aegis activates).)_

**Interviewer:** Are you kidding me? A skill that ups the activation rate of other skills _and_ two skills that halve damage? Hmm… _(Morgan moves for 5 tiles and engages with Walhart.)_

 **Morgan:** Father! We’ve come to save you! Just hold on!

_(He attacks with Celica’s Gale twice and deals a total of 15 damage. Walhart unleashes a charged shot and deals 57 damage; Morgan attacks twice again and deals a total of 16 damage.)_

_(The Duo move for 5 tiles and engage with Walhart. They use Peck and Hit and deal 8 damage. Walhart hits the Duo 4 times and deals 53 damage.)_

**Interviewer:** Oh, man. Shoot, I should’ve gone for Lissa first. Always take out the healer!

_(They move Chrom for 5 spaces, and he engages with Lissa.)_

**Chrom:** I’m sorry, Lissa…

_(He attacks with his sword, the Exalted Falchion, and deals 45 damage. Lissa attacks with Bolganone and deals 46 damage. Chrom attacks again and deals 45 damage (Miracle activates and Lissa survives the fatal blow). Lissa attacks again, but misses.)_

_(Enemy Phase)_

_(Lissa’s Renewal activates and she recovers 24 HP. She uses Fortify and Walhart recovers 32 HP. Walhart moves for 3 tiles and engages with Morgan, and hits Morgan 4 times and deals 32 damage.)_

_(Walhart defeats Morgan.)_

**Interviewer:** _(jaw drops)_ A-are you kidding me? Oh crap…

 **Morgan:** _(keeling over)_ N-no… Ugh… I’m sorry, Dad…

_(He turns into a trophy that is picked up by Crazy Hand and mysteriously disappears.)_

**Robin:** MORGAN! _(to Crazy Hand)_ LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE!

 **Interviewer:** No, Robin! It was more my fault, I should’ve—

 **Crazy Hand:** _(to interviewer)_ SHUT UP! You’re just a player of this game—

 **Master Hand:** CRAZY!

 **Crazy Hand:** WHAT?

 **Master Hand:** Haven’t you realized that Robin’s son was just defeated by his own father, who isn’t even himself?

 **Crazy Hand:** How was I supposed to know that? Besides, this is just a—

 **Robin:** _(to Master Hand)_ How long are you going to take with the List?

 **Master Hand:** It should be fixed after at least one turn.

 **Robin:** _(warily)_ Are you sure about that?

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs_ ) Yes.

 **Robin:** I hope so, sir.

 **Master Hand:** _(to Chrom, the Duo and Hogan, and the interviewer)_ Did everybody get to hear that? _(they give understanding nods)_

_(Crazy Hand moves for 3 tiles and engages with Robin. He attacks by punching her, but Robin evades it and he misses. She attacks with Thoron and deals 1 damage. He tries to attack her again but Robin evades.)_

_(Ally Phase)_

_(Master Hand moves for 6 tiles. He is standing in front of the List.)_

**Master Hand:** Finally. And now to reset things back to the way they were before this ridiculous mess…

_(He scrolls to “Recently Added” and selects “Rule 1999”. He taps on the “Delete” option and a message that says “Are you sure?” appears. He taps the “Yes” option and a progress bar appears, displaying “0%”.)_

_(Player Phase)_

_(Chrom attacks Lissa and deals 44 damage and defeats her. She turns into a trophy and dissolves into Shadow Bugs that skitter off to somewhere. There is another trophy of her a few feet away.)_

**Chrom:** What? L-Lissa? _(looks at the others)_ Can someone tell me what happened to her?!

 **Interviewer:** Touch the base, Chrom! The one the real Lissa is on!

 **Chrom:** _(touches Lissa’s trophy base, but she remains a trophy)_ Nothing happened!

 **Interviewer:** Slam your hand on it, maybe!

 **Crazy Hand:** Hey, no hints!

_(Chrom slams a hand on the trophy base and Lissa is revived. She is now a Player Unit.)_

Ugh. Never mind.

 **Lissa:** _(blinks a few times)_ Whoa! What happened?

 **Chrom:** Lissa, are you all right?

 **Lissa:** Yeah, Chrom. What happened to me? Did I fall asleep or something?

 **Chrom:** No. But that doesn’t matter now, Sister. _(smiles)_ I’m just glad to see that you’re fine. I’ll tell you more about it later, but for now I really need your help.

 **Lissa:** Oh. What is it?

 **Chrom:** You can help us fight them. _(points to Walhart and Crazy Hand)_

 **Lissa:** _(worried)_ Uh, I don’t know, Chrom. They look, um…

 **Chrom:** Well, you can always tend to our wounds. But I’ll be happy if you were to fight with me to help save Walhart and Robin’s son. Something… happened to them, and now Robin has become rather distraught.

 **Lissa:** Wait, what? Who did what to them?

_(Chrom points to Crazy Hand, and Lissa looks at him.)_

Hey! I’ve heard that you did something mean, jerk!

 **Crazy Hand:** _(sighs)_ What now?

 **Lissa:** You asked for it! _(tries to attack Crazy Hand but misses)_ Darn. I tried, Chrom.

 **Chrom:** It’s all right! Let’s take on him last!

_(Lissa moves for 4 tiles and engages with Walhart. She attacks with Bolganone and deals 14 damage. Walhart hits Lissa 4 times and deals 40 damage.)_

_(The Duo use an Elixir and restore all of their HP.)_

_(Robin moves for 2 tiles and engages with Walhart, and she attacks with her Levin Sword and deals 17 damage. He hits Robin 3 times and deals 22 damage, and she attacks again and deals 17 damage.)_

_(Chrom moves for 4 tiles and engages with Walhart. He attacks and deals 3 damage (Pavise activates). Walhart hits Chrom 4 times and deals 32 damage.)_

**Chrom:** Anything can change!

_(He deals a Critical Strike (20 damage) on Walhart and defeats him. Walhart turns into a trophy and dissolves into Shadow Bugs that skitter away. The Super Scope disappears and there is another trophy of him a few feet away.)_

**Interviewer:** Robin, look!

 **Robin:** I’m on it!

_(She runs toward Walhart’s trophy and revives him; he is now a Player Unit.)_

Are you all right, dear?

 **Walhart:** … Ngh… what… ?

 **Robin:** Apparently, creatures called Shadow Bugs overtook you and created another version of you that fought against us. _(sighs)_ Including Morgan…

 **Walhart:** _(somewhat alarmed)_ Morgan? Whatever happened to him?

 **Robin:** He’s… gone. _(points to Crazy Hand)_ He’s behind everything that has happened to us.

 **Crazy Hand:** W-wait a minute! Now you’re just pointing fingers—

_(Walhart immediately starts walking towards Crazy Hand out of tranquil anger. The Duo, Hogan, Chrom, Robin, and Lissa go after him and hold him back.)_

**Robin:** Hold on! I’m sorry to say this, but we need to think of a better way than to directly challenge Crazy Hand, dear!

 **Chrom:** I agree with her, Walhart.

 **Lissa:** Yeah! He’s too strong for us to fight!

 **Duck Hunt:** _(grabbing onto Walhart’s leg with his teeth)_ Erzy, brgk ferller!

_(Enemy Phase)_

**Crazy Hand:** Did everybody just forget the map’s still going on?

_(He moves for 2 tiles, then uses Wild Thrashing and every Player Unit’s health is reduced to one.)_

_(Ally Phase)_

_(There is a loud ding coming from the List.)_

**Master Hand:** Finally.

 **Crazy Hand:** This is going to suck.

_(The screen displays “Rule 1999 Deleted. Power Nerf Deleted. Any Restrictions On Master Hand Have Been Lifted.”)_

**Interviewer:** What happened? Why didn’t Walhart change back?

 **Master Hand:** Before this battle ends, does anyone have a Second Seal in their possession?

_(Player Phase (?))_

_(Everyone looks at each other in confusion. The interviewer looks at Chrom.)_  

 **Interviewer:** Oh! Chrom!

 **Chrom:** Yes?

 **Interviewer:** You’re a convoy unit, which means you have everything with you, right?

 **Chrom:** Huh?

_(He retrieves a small box from hammerspace, then looks through it.)_

I have a few concoctions and one Second Seal… Oh!

_(He takes out the Second Seal and gives it to Walhart.)_

Now!

_(The interviewer’s cursor hovers over Walhart, selects him, then “Items”, then scrolls through a list of items and uses a Second Seal to change Walhart’s class into Conqueror. A flash of light, and Walhart is in red armor with a black cape, on a huge horse with white and red armor, holding the Wolf Berg. Morgan also mysteriously reappears and he immediately runs toward Walhart.)_

**Morgan:** Dad! You’re all right! Looks like everyone else is fine too.

 **Crazy Hand:** THIS IS REALLY GOING TO SUCK!

_(He prepares to attack everyone again, but there’s a flash of white light. Another huge, white, gloved hand appears, grabs him, and throws him to the floor.)_

Urk!

 **Master Hand:** It just did, brother. _(makes a circular gesture to the floor)_

 **Crazy Hand:** _(gasps)_ No! Nonononono—

 _(A large portal appears on the floor, and everybody in the Hall goes through it. The music stops after the portal disappears._ _Stage Complete! … ?)_


	10. How to Crash a Party

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Not an actual set of instructions on how to crash parties and making a huge scene, though having fights start in a stadium is one of the possible consequences.

_(Location: a floating stadium hundreds of feet above a large field near a large town. Time: around noon. Events and characters: a large audience is seated in the stadium, with_ Off the Hook’s _Pearl and Marina on the stage, having just finished performing_ “Nasty Majesty” _. The audience cheers, and some are yelling for an encore.)_

 **Pearl:** _(to a microphone)_ ARE Y’ALL FEELIN’ FRESH TODAY?

_(The audience cheers again. In one area in the stands, an Inkling with blue hair stands up with another Inkling with orange hair, along with a Koopa Troopa.)_

**Inkling boy:** _(pumps his fist in the air)_ Yeah! Go Off The Hook!

 **Inkling girl:** Hey, the Squid Sisters were better!

 **Inkling boy:** Shut up! Off the Hook’s the best!

 **Inkling girl:** _(pushes Inkling boy)_ No they’re not!

 **Inkling boy:** _(pushes Inkling girl)_ Yes they are!

 **Koopa Troopa:** _(to Inklings)_ What’s going on here, you two?

 **Inkling boy:** She’s saying the Squid Sisters were better! Guess she forgot they kinda broke up!

 **Inkling girl:** No, Callie and Marie got back after Agent 4 beat Octavio up, case you didn’t notice!

 **Inkling boy:** Who’s Agent 4?

 **Inkling girl:** Did you totally forget? That’s my best friend, stupid!

 **Inkling boy:** Hey! My name’s not stupid!

_(Both Inklings growl at each other and pull out Splattershots.)_

**Koopa Troopa:** _(exasperatedly)_ Hey, come on kids—

 **Inkling boy and Inkling girl:** EAT INK!

_(A somewhat short man with a red cap with an “M”, red shirt, and blue overalls runs toward them. He puts himself between them and puts his gloved hands out.)_

**?:** _(in a slightly high-pitched Italian-accented voice)_ Come on! Stop-a fighting out of the stage!

 **Inkling girl:** _(lowers Splattershot)_ Aw…

 **Inkling boy:** _(lowers Splattershot)_ Thanks for ruining everything, Mr. Jumpman.

 _(Both Inklings turn to watch_ Off The Hook _performing_ “Nasty Majesty” _again.)_

 **Koopa Troopa:** Mario! What’re you doing here?

 **Mario:** I’ve-a been trying to find Master Hand for the last-a few hours. He said that he will-a show up to talk about the newcomers, but he-a never did.

 **Koopa Troopa:** Oh. Well, where d’you think he could be?

 **Mario:** I don’t-a know. He wasn’t in the Announcing Box with-a Crazy Hand.

 **Koopa Troopa:** _(shrugs)_ Well, sorry Mario. I don’t know where they are either. But good luck trying to find those Hands.

 _(Mario nods and walks away from the Koopa Troopa and the Inklings. A portal appears above the stadium and twelve figures land on the stage in various degrees of consciousness._ _The entire stadium is dumbstruck and_ Off the Hook _stops playing their music.)_

 **Marina:** Uh, what the heck just happened?

 **Pearl:** I dunno. All I gotta say is: Oh. My. Cod!

 **Random Mii:** _(from the stands)_ OH MY GOSH! IS THAT PAT CASHMAN AND XANDER MOBUS?

 **Other audience members:** _(to Mii)_ Who?

 **Random Mii:** _(facepalms)_ Never mind…

 **Inkling boy:** Yo! I paid to see Off the Hook, not this!

 **Mario:** Mamma Mia!

 **Inkling girl:** What’s going on now?

_(There are murmurs going around the stadium as a tall man with a headset in a white business suit waves to the audience.)_

**Man in white with a headset:** GREETINGS, EVERYONE!

_(A silence. There’s a lone Kricketune making noise somewhere.)_

_(awkward laugh)_ Ahem! That was very unprofessional now, wasn’t it?

 **Marina:** I don’t think “people falling out of a portal” was a part of our show, Pearl.

 **Pearl:** _(to the man wearing white with a headset)_ Hey, Mister! What’s your deal? You like showin’ up at parties like this a lot?

 **Man in white with a headset:** Excuse me, I am—

 **Mario:** MASTER HAND!

 _(Everyone else looks at Mario as he runs then leaps to the stage. He lands near the group and_ Off the Hook _.)_

Me and the other Smashers were-a wondering where you were. What happened?

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs)_ It has just been a long series of events for me, Mario. I’m sorry if I was late for anything.

 **Inkling girl:** YEAH, YOU WERE!

_(She Super Jumps to the stage with the Inkling boy following her.)_

You said you wanted to see how I fight!

 **Inkling boy:** Yeah, me too!

 **Interviewer:** _(excitedly)_ Oh, you guys are Inklings! That’s so cool!

 **Inkling girl:** You’ve never seen us before?

 **Interviewer:** Actually, I have. Just… not in person. I’ve watched you guys in Splatfests and all of your other battles, though.

 **Inkling girl:** Uh, thanks?

 **Inkling boy:** Hey, so about showing off our awesome skills—

 **Master Hand:** _(with a declarative finger)_ Not to worry! I’ve considered rescheduling your Direct appearances—

_(A bright flash of light, and Crazy Hand looms over the group in hand form. The audience gasps.)_

**Crazy Hand:** _(laughs maniacally)_ This isn’t over, bro!

_(He flicks Master Hand off the stage, sending him plummeting below the stadium. The audience gasps again.)_

**Interviewer:** What was that for?!

 **Lissa:** Why would you do that to your own brother?!

 **Chrom:** Lissa—

 **Lissa:** Have some of this, jerk!

_(She uses her Bolganone tome and fiery, volcanic explosions appear in the air, which Crazy Hand dodges.)_

**Crazy Hand:** _(laughs)_ Can’t catch me!

_(He continues dodging Lissa’s attacks. Mario and the rest of the group except for the interviewer and the Inklings join the fight.)_

_(Meanwhile, a Lakitu cameraman outside of the stadium is floating in his cloud, filming something… or rather, someone falling.)_

**Lakitu cameraman:** What’s this? Looks like someone’s falling! I’d better help!

_(He puts his camera aside and picks up a fishing pole and prepares to use it. The falling man snaps his fingers, and a bright white light surrounds him. In his place is a giant right hand wearing a white glove that dives then flies up toward the stadium. The Lakitu blinks and wipes his goggles.)_

Uh, never mind.

_(He puts down his fishing pole and takes up his camera.)_

_(muttering)_ I seriously need to stop watching too much _Mario Kart 8_ footage before going to bed…

_(Meanwhile, in the stadium, Pearl and Marina are inspecting their DJ turntable while a fight between Mario, the group, and Crazy Hand is going on around them. Faint rock music plays from somewhere.)_

**Marina:** _(confused)_ This can’t be busted now, right?

 **Pearl:** I dunno, Marina. It’s weird, though.

_(Robin suddenly stops fighting and frantically looks around.)_

**Robin:** EVERYONE, STOP FIGHTING! I HEAR SOMETHING!

_(The entire stadium is quiet and both sides stop fighting. The strange piece of rock music is still playing.)_

**Crazy Hand:** Aw, come on guys! What now?

 **Walhart:** What is it, Robin? 

 **Lissa:** Yeah, what’re you talking about?

 **Mario:** _(shushing gesture)_ Shh! I hear it too!

_(There is a faint rushing noise like the wind, and the music grows louder. Everyone looks at each other in confusion.)_

**Marina:** Pearl, I don’t think the turntable’s being weird.

 **Pearl:** Then what’s going on—

_(The interviewer points at something white ascending in the sky in the distance.)_

**Interviewer:** _(terrified)_ Uh, guys?! What’s that? _(squints, then their eyes widen)_ Wait, what?

 _(The thing continues to ascend rapidly, then everyone in the stadium looks up to see a white, gloved hand with the sun behind it. They also hear an electric guitar solo (_ what??? _).)_

 **Pearl:** _(jaw drops)_ Holy carp.

 **Marina:** I thought I’ve seen everything when a statue came out of the ocean to destroy the world, but this is ridiculous.

 **Inkling boy:** What’re you guys talking about? Anyway, these beats are fresh!

 **Inkling girl:** _(frustrated)_ Ugh! Really? Can you just shut up about music right now?

 **Interviewer:** Oh man.

 **Crazy Hand:** Oh brother.

_(The gloved hand forms a fist and starts to descend. Everyone starts to panic.)_

**Mario:** EVERYONE! GET OUT-A THE WAY! MASTER HAND IS ABOUT TO-A PUNCH THE STAGE!

_(Everyone somehow gets off of the stage and into the stands. Master Hand lands by punching the stage, then shakes himself off. He rotates himself as if turning an invisible volume knob down, and the music stops. The entire stadium is silent for a few moments.)_

**Master Hand:** You have to admit that was quite an entrance, brother. By the way, you’ve already lost against me, remember? I thought that you would be tired of fighting at this point, and I’d hate trying to harm you even more, so I suggest dropping the sore loser act.

 **Crazy Hand:** Sh-shut up! _(sighs)_ Whatever. I thought I was the crazy one, but I guess you’ve gotta be the one that has to be all dramatic, bro.

 **Master Hand:** But of course, brother! I have to be! After all, I AM THE ANNOUNCER!

_(The stadium is still silent.)_

**Random Mii:** Yeah! That was awesome! You guys gotta fight! Someone get in there!

 **Inkling girl:** Yeah! You guys said that you’re bosses for some mode or something!

 **Inkling boy:** You gotta show us your moves so we know what we’re in for!

 **Captain Falcon:** _(somewhere near the Inklings)_ Hey, you messed up my line!

 **Almost everyone else in the audience:** _(chanting)_ FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! _(repeat)_

_(Back to the Hands, who are telepathically speaking in private to each other.)_

**Master Hand:** (This is not what I wanted to happen.)

 **Crazy Hand:** (Welp, but it kinda got to this point, huh?)

 **Master Hand:** (Since when did you have a moment of clarity like the one you have right now?)

 **Crazy Hand:** (Huh? Whatcha talking about, bro?)

 **Master Hand:** (Why did you pull off some of your crazy antics on me and a few others?)

 **Crazy Hand:** (Gah! You figured that out already?)

 **Master Hand:** (Do I need to keep repeating how predictable you are sometimes?)

 **Crazy Hand:** (Nope!)

 **Master Hand:** (You were the one that teleported everyone in the interviewer’s session out of the Mansion, released the Shadow Bugs that took over three _Fire Emblem_ characters, attacked the Duck Hunt members and separated them from each other, and temporarily nerfed and restricted me into my human form. Is this true?)

 **Crazy Hand:** (Uh…)

 **Master Hand:** (You purposefully provoked me into attacking you, and then you bled and reminded me of “That Time”, and with that, Rayquaza mistakenly attacked Duck when it was actually me that destroyed a bit of the Plain. Is this also true?)

 **Crazy Hand:** (Well, bro—)

_(Master Hand forms into a fist and punches Crazy Hand, who catches him in his palm. The audience gasps.)_

**Master Hand:** IS IT?!

 **Crazy Hand:** Yeah—okay, okay! You got me!

_(Master Hand lets Crazy Hand go and floats off to the opposite side of the stage.)_

Ow… you know, that kind of hurts.

 **Master Hand:** (Does it? Can you compare it to everything that has happened prior to this, brother?)

 **Almost everyone else in the audience:** FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! FIGHT! _(repeat)_

 **Crazy Hand:** _(sighs)_ (No, bro. Anyway, why’re they all screaming?)

 **Master Hand:** (Hmm?) _(turns to the audience)_ (Well, it seems our crowd really wants us to go at each other’s throats. There’s no denying that.)

 **Crazy Hand:** (How stupid! We don’t have throats!)

 **Master Hand:** (Not in our current forms, dear brother. That was meant to be figurative.)

 **Crazy Hand:** (Oh.)

 **Master Hand:** (Well, perhaps we should give them a little fight then.)

 **Crazy Hand:** (But you said you didn’t want to hurt me, bro.)

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs)_ (I know. But when a crowd gets going, sometimes you just have to go along with it.)

 **Crazy Hand:** (What kind of a stupid thing is that? I thought you go against the crowd!)

 **Master Hand:** (It’s just an act, Crazy. For now, I’ll postpone my talk with you to shut our audience up. We will properly settle this later.)

 **Crazy Hand:** (Ooh. Gotcha, bro. And then what?)

 **Master Hand:** (First, we’ll need at least one of our audience members to participate with us. Think of this as the final match of Classic Mode, Crazy.) _(as if stroking an invisible chin)_ (Hmm… I think I know just the right one.) _(snaps fingers, to crowd)_ I DEMAND YOUR SILENCE!

_(The audience stops chanting “Fight!”, and some of its members murmur among themselves.)_

MARIO!

 **Mario:** _(jumps from the stands to the stage)_ Yes, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** How would you like it if you were chosen to show some of our newcomers a taste of Classic Mode?

 **Mario:** Uh, I would-a like to, Master Hand. May I ask you-a why though?

 **Master Hand:** You’ve beaten Classic Mode and defeated me and my brother many times before. With your fame and status as a veteran Smasher, I insist that you should be the one to take on me and Crazy Hand.

 **Mario:** Hmm… _(nods)_ Okie dokie, Master Hand! Let’s-a-go!

 **Pearl:** _(Super Jumps to the stage with Marina)_ Hey! Hold up! You guys just get to crash our concert and fight while we sit back and watch? That’s so bunk!

 **Master Hand:** Would you like to have a compensation then?

 **Pearl:** Yeah! Sure! Just give us somethin’ to make up for all of this!

 _(Master Hand snaps his fingers and_ Off the Hook’s _turntable begins playing a few notes of his SSB4 battle theme.)_

 **Master Hand:** Simply make sure that this is playing during this match. That shouldn’t be difficult for you and Miss Ida, hmm?

 **Pearl:** Fine, Mister!

 **Marina:** _(sighs)_ Guess it’s our turn to be the hype men…

 **Master Hand:** Don’t worry. If it’s possible for me to give you an even better compensation, I’d like to inform you that your universe will be represented in the next Tournament. … And I’ll also allow you to continue your concert without further interruption after the fight.

 **Pearl:** Are you kidding me? Really? You mean—

 **Crazy Hand:** Yep! Some of the Inklings are gonna be there!

 **Pearl:** Like those two that showed up?

 **Crazy Hand:** Yep!

 **Marina:** That’s… that’s actually awesome! What do you think, Pearl?

 **Pearl:** _(sighs)_ I guess so. It’s a deal. _(small smile)_ Well, what’re we waiting for, Marina? Let’s get this started! _(she and Marina go to where their turntable is)_

 **Master Hand:** _(turns toward audience)_ LADIES AND GENTLEMEN! Because some of you wish for a fight, I present you a taste of Classic Mode’s final match against me and Crazy Hand, starring veteran Smasher Mario from the _Mario_ universe! _(audience cheers, to Mario)_ Ready yourself, Mario!

 _(_ Off the Hook _plays_ “Master Hand’s Theme” _. Master Hand_ _floats to one side of the stage, then turns to face Mario and laughs.)_

 **Crazy Hand:** Yeah!

_(He floats on the other side of the stage and laughs. The Hands do a fist bump and the battle has begun.)_

_(Master Hand briefly “walks” across the stage and hits Mario. D.P. at 8%.)_

**Master Hand:** Come now, Mario! You haven’t forgotten, have you?

 **Mario:** _(shakes head)_ No way! I got this! _(punches and kicks Master Hand a few times)_

_(Master Hand beckons Crazy Hand with a finger. Crazy Hand punches and Master Hand catches him, sending Mario flying. D.P. at 17%.)_

_(grabs onto the ledge and gets on the stage)_ Phew! That was-a close one! _(hits Master Hand)_

_(Master Hand rears and does a diving/rising punch. Mario jumps after him, punches him, and falls onto the stage. Crazy Hand skitters across the stage and hits Mario. D.P. at 20%)_

_(Master Hand deals yellow, glowing platforms that rise up. Crazy Hand grabs Mario and squeezes him. Mario is released, his D.P. is at 43%, and he hits Crazy Hand multiple times.)_

_(Master Hand produces a large orange fireball and squeezes it, creating smaller ones that scatter across the stage. Mario is hit and his D.P. is at 48%. Crazy Hand produces purple rods and slams them one-by-one on the stage, then rips open the fabric of space and reveals a vortex. Mario runs to the side and attacks both of the Hands.)_

_(Crazy Hand thrashes on the ground while Mario jumps off the stage to get away; Master Hand approaches him.)_

**Master Hand:** Trying to run away, hm?

_(He snaps his fingers at Mario, who is stunned. Mario falls, resulting in a K.O., then reappears on a revival platform.)_

**Audience:** Aww…

 **Interviewer:** Come on, Mario! You can do it!

 **Inkling boy:** Go, Mr. Jumpman!

 **Inkling girl:** Yeah!

 **Robin:** You’ve got this!

 **Mario:** _(panting heavily)_ Phew… This is-a… hard…

_(Master Hand punches down on the stage.)_

**Crazy Hand:** YOU’RE STALLING!

 **Master Hand:** Make your move, Mario! You can’t stay on your revival platform forever!

 **Mario:** _(still panting)_ Here… we go! _(jumps and punches Master Hand)_

_(Master Hand and Crazy Hand toss small orbs between each other and Mario gets hit four times; D.P. at 28%. Crazy Hand throws large orbs at Master Hand, who flicks them toward Mario, who is hit by one of them; D.P. at 39%.)_

_(Master Hand sweeps across the stage, and Mario jumps over him. Crazy Hand grabs and squeezes Mario again; Mario is released and his D.P. is at 51%.)_

_(Master Hand flies up and comes down, drilling onto the stage. Crazy Hand does the same and hits Mario, and his D.P. is at 101%. Mario runs and uses Smash Attacks on Master Hand.)_

_(Master Hand flies to the back of the stadium and zooms in with a punch. Mario jumps backwards over Master Hand and hits Crazy Hand. The audience gasps.)_

**Master Hand:** Impressive!

_(Master Hand flies up and punches down onto the stage. Mario jumps and dodges.)_

_(Crazy Hand does the same move as Master Hand. Mario dodges again but is then hit by Master Hand’s fingertip lasers; D.P. at 139% and he’s launched into the air. The audience gasps.)_

_(Master Hand points three fingers out and fires into the air like a rocket and swoops in from the background. Mario is knocked out of the air and slams onto the stage on his back with a surprised look on his face.)_

_(Mario gets up and rushes towards Master Hand and punches him; Master Hand’s HP is depleted.)_

Urgh! _(groans)_ Excellent, Mario! _(the audience cheers)_

 **Crazy Hand:** Now it’s just me you’ve got to worry about!

 **Audience:** Ma-Ri-O! Ma-Ri-O! Ma-Ri-O! Ma-Ri-O! _(repeat)_

_(Crazy Hand produces purple rods and slams them one-by-one on the stage, which Mario dodges. Crazy Hand points out three fingers out and fires into the air like a rocket and swoops in from the background, while Mario jumps and dodges him.)_

**Crazy Hand:** Ah! _(flies back to the stage)_

_(Mario jumps backward and hits Crazy Hand with a few punches; Crazy Hand’s HP is depleted.)_

**Mario:** _(triumphantly)_ Gotcha!

 **Crazy Hand:** Urk! _(high-pitched scream)_ YOU GOT MEEEEEEEEEEEEEE! …

_(The audience burst into very loud cheers and claps. After a while, the Hands shake themselves off.)_

**Master Hand:** Ahem! As for today’s impromptu match, THE WINNER IS… MARIO! CONGRATULATIONS!

_(The audience continues to cheer and clap while Mario smiles and pumps a fist into the air.)_


	11. The Office

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A talk between almost everyone in the group takes place in an office. Some learn unexpected news.

_(Location: inside the Smash Mansion, a huge and fancy… mansion that isn’t far away from a large town called Smashville and seems to be a lot bigger on the inside. Time: around 2 PM. Events and characters: the_ Fire Emblem _characters, Duck Hunt, Duck, Hogan, and the interviewer are walking up a grand staircase to visit an office on the third floor.)_

 **Interviewer:** Well, this has been an interesting day. Wonder what Master Hand’s got to tell us, though.

 **Lissa:** Yeah, it was like a blur! At least we got to stay and watch a concert for free after that fight, though.

 **Hogan:** Yep. Music’s kinda not my type, though.

 **Chrom:** I agree. I mean, I have to say, the music that duo played…

 **Interviewer:** You mean Off the Hook, Chrom?

 **Chrom:** Yes. You’ve heard of them?

 **Interviewer:** Yeah. Why?

 **Chrom:** It was… interesting, to say the least.

 **Robin:** Clearly that music isn’t from our world. It was very different from what I’ve heard before, even if I’ve already stayed in this universe and have been exposed to many things that aren’t from Valm and Ylisse.

 **Morgan:** I have the same thoughts, Mother. _(to Walhart)_ How about you, Father? What did you think of the concert?

 **Walhart:** Hmph. Music does not mean much to me, therefore I meet it with indifference whether or not it is produced by a wandering bard or… whatever the names of those squid-like beings were.

 **Robin:** _(chuckles)_ You kid too much, Walhart. Admit it, you were tapping your foot to the first song they played after the fight.

 **Walhart:** I did not.

 **Robin:** Come on, I’ve seen you, dear. I’m sure everyone else in the audience was—

_(She stops and sees a large door ahead on the next floor.)_

Oh! Here we are.

_(She twists the knob and pulls the door open and everyone walks into a somewhat dim, large room. There are stacks and piles of books, letters, and papers on a long table on one side, a large screen on another, a large desk in front of the table and two men in white seemingly busy reading and arranging the letters.)_

Excuse me, Master Hand. You said you wanted to speak with us?

 **Master Hand:** _(looks up from his work)_ Yes, Robin. I have.

 **Crazy Hand:** _(to Master Hand)_ Bro, how ‘bout these stupid letters?

 **Master Hand:** Just continue sorting them as we have been doing for the last hour. That should be easy even if you have… temporary restrictions placed upon you.

 **Crazy Hand:** _(throws hands up in frustration and lets out a really annoyed sigh)_ Just great! My bro’s in here about to talk to a bunch of people, and what do I get? Mail duty. I mean, that's seriously terrible!

 **Master Hand:** _(chuckles)_ It could've been worse. At least you don't need to make handwritten replies to any of them. Think about it: spending the rest of the day reading and sorting letters, then having to write replies to all of them. And that’s without getting stressed, bored, and using powers…

 **Crazy Hand:** _(sighs)_ Whatever. Still the dumbest punishment! _(turns back to reading and sorting letters)_

 **Robin:** Um, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** Yes, yes. Have a seat.

_(He snaps his fingers and chairs appear in front of the desk. The group sits in them as he transforms into a giant gloved hand.)_

**Interviewer:** _(raises hand)_ Okay, first off, what exactly is going on and why is Crazy Hand doing whatever you guys were doing just as we walked in here?

 **Master Hand:** Don’t worry about him. I’ve simply given him mail duty after what he’s done.

 **Interviewer:** Mail duty?

 **Robin:** It’s what we have to do sometimes whenever we get into trouble. Thankfully, I’ve never been sent here, except for… at least, that one time…

 **Hogan:** If anythin’, it’s the most annoyin’ and borin’ job out there. Can’t use powers or anythin’ that could let ya cheat your lil’ sentence; ya just have your plain ol’ guts and your arms to do the job. Don’t push things too far, and ya won’t have to deal with all the stuff people send to the Mansion.

 **Robin:** Yes. Letters, packages, instant messages, even junk… well, you get the idea.

 **Master Hand:** Thank you for bringing the rest up to speed, Robin and Hogan, but I believe we’re not here to talk about the intricacies of mail duty, hm?

 **Robin and Hogan:** No sir.

 **Master Hand:** Now, you must be wondering what exactly caused the strange events that have happened to us—

 **Crazy Hand:** IT WAS ME, OKAY?! THERE, I’VE SAID IT TO THE WORLD! AND I’M SORRY!

 **Master Hand:** _(muttering)_ No need to yell, brother.

 **Crazy Hand:** Remember that Outrealms Card and that letter? Yeah, that was all me. I’ve left those for you _(points to interviewer)_ and you _(points to Walhart)_ , all so I can pull off the greatest prank to some random people from the real ‘verse and the Nintendo Multiverse and show how they’re the ultimate losers from their ‘verses!

 **Interviewer:** Okay! One, that was rude. Two, that’s a ridiculously specific and stupid plan. And three, WHAT?! ARE YOU CRAZY?!

 **Crazy Hand:** That’s my name!

 **Walhart:** _(angrily)_ And now you shall pay for this! DAMN YOU!

_(He throws Wolf Berg at Crazy Hand, who dodges it, and the axe is stuck on the wall behind Crazy Hand.)_

**Crazy Hand:** _(throws letters on the table)_ Oh, so you really wanna fight me? Just know I can still beat you up even though I’m stuck as a human right now! _(raises and clenches fists)_

 **Walhart:** _(begins walking toward Crazy Hand with fists raised)_ WAS THAT A THREAT?!

 **Interviewer:** Uh oh.

 **Morgan:** _(jumps up from his seat and pulls on Walhart’s cape)_ Dad, no!

 **Robin:** _(jumps up from her seat to stop Walhart)_ I’d hate to get into another fight today, Walhart!

 **Duck Hunt:** Yeah! _(runs and bites on Walhart’s cape)_

 **Hogan:** Down, Duck Hunt! No, boy—!

 **Walhart:** Damn you, dog—

 **Master Hand:** ENOUGH!

_(He places himself between Walhart and Crazy Hand, his palm covering his brother. Everyone else jumps a bit. Morgan, Robin, and Duck Hunt let go of Walhart.)_

I’ve seen plenty of unnecessary fights under this Mansion’s roof, but this is ridiculous! Walhart, retrieve your axe from the wall behind me and my brother. As for you, Crazy, do not try to attack him. _(Walhart and Crazy Hand do not move)_ I’ve given you the chance. Go!

_(Walhart goes around Master Hand to retrieve Wolf Berg, and glares at Crazy Hand as he walks back toward his chair. Master Hand goes back to his desk while Crazy Hand sulks and continues to do mail duty.)_

Let’s try this again.

 **Interviewer:** _(exasperatedly)_ Yes, please!

 **Chrom:** I agree.

 **Lissa:** Yeah. I pretty much have had enough of everything for today now, and I don’t usually say that. _(sighs)_

 **Master Hand:** As my brother said, he was behind giving our interviewer and interviewee trouble in the first place, which only escalated from there.

 **Interviewer:** Gee, you think? I mean, what kind of interview turns into something that has everyone going on a bizarre adventure like that?

 **Master Hand:** Remember that you’ve played your own part in it as well, especially when you had the Outrealms Card.

 **Interviewer:** Yeah, but what’s that got to do with anything?

 **Master Hand:** Have you ever wished to meet and talk to your interviewee at some point?

 **Interviewer:** Yeah, but that was more of a thought from some part of my mind. And—wait, are you saying that I got Walhart and myself over here just by thinking about it?

 **Master Hand:** Yes, with the aid of my brother’s antics.

 **Interviewer:** _(flatly)_ What.

 **Master Hand:** Occasionally, we argue over the smallest things, and recently we fought over the highly questionable idea of pranking and humiliating people from different universes. The fact that you two happened to be in this mess due to my brother making your wish come true only served to show that he’s taken our fight a little too far.

 **Interviewer:** Yeah. I mean, I wished to have a bit of fun by imagining that I could talk to some of my favorites, but I didn’t expect it to turn out like this.

 **Walhart:** _(angrily muttering to himself)_ As I’ve said before, damn—

 **Robin:** _(whispering to Walhart)_ Relax, dear. Let it go. _(to everyone else)_ You know, I was just as surprised when I’ve suddenly learned that my husband was part of an interview, though something about him being transported into another universe after having a letter read to him struck me as odd.

 **Master Hand:** That was another part of Crazy’s scheme. It seemed that where Walhart was being transported was a very specific location, which happened to be in another multiverse not many of us know or have visited, save for our friend here. _(gestures to the interviewer)_

 **Interviewer:** What do you mean?

 **Master Hand:** You know quite a bit of what anime is, yes?

 **Interviewer:** Yes.

 **Master Hand:** Then you have your answer. _(interviewer is left confused)_

 **Hogan:** _(raises hand)_ I got one question, Mr. Hand.

 **Master Hand:** Yes, Hogan?

 **Hogan:** What do me and my boys have to do with all this? I mean, we just took a lil’ walk all the way to the Lake, and then me and Duck Hunt all got blacked out and separated from one another. Ya got some explanation for that?

 **Master Hand:** That was also another part of his scheme to humiliate others, particularly Duck Hunt and myself. It seemed he chose the three of you because he thought it would be funny for me to be accompanied by what he considered to be a “stupid dog and duck” while I was confined to a nerfed human form.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(annoyed)_ What? Are ya kiddin’ me? _(to Crazy Hand)_ Hey! Is it ‘cause I’m that annoyin’ or bad at fightin’ or somethin’?

 **Crazy Hand:** _(not looking up from writing a reply to a letter)_ Well, you do have that stupid laugh whenever someone failed to shoot down ducks.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(growls)_ That was so long ago! It’s not like me and Mr. Hogan hunt ducks for fun anymore anyway! And I only laugh when everyone else is doin’ terrible and losin’ to us!

 **Hogan:** Duck Hunt… don’t let Mr. Crazy get to your head.

 **Duck Hunt:** But—

 **Duck:** I hate to say this, bud, but Mr. Hogan’s kinda got a point. Crazy Hand’s got a thing for sometimes messin’ with people for fun _and_ glory.

 **Duck Hunt:** _(sighs)_ Guess so. He’s given all of us a whole lotta trouble anyway.

 **Duck:** Speakin’ of a whole lotta trouble, why’d that big, green monster attack me when I was just in the water lookin’ for somethin’ to eat?

 **Master Hand:** Unfortunately, that was partially my own doing.

 **Duck:** _(beak drops in surprise)_ Whaaat?

 **Master Hand:** I was the one that caused the destruction that disturbed Rayquaza, who thought that you were behind it due to you being in proximity of the Lake.

 **Duck:** Why?

 **Master Hand:** I’ve—how should I phrase this—lost it after my brother reminded me of the Subspace Emissary event.

 **Interviewer:** Wha—oh. Oh my gosh.

 **Morgan:** _(to Robin)_ Do you know what that is, Mother?

 **Robin:** I’ve heard bits of it here and there, but I thought it was just a rumor that was occasionally mentioned by some of the veteran Smashers. Very suspicious, though, considering I’ve only overheard whispers about it. It’s like a closely guarded secret.

 **Duck Hunt:** From what I’ve heard and known ‘bout it, Miss Robin, it was awful.

 **Duck:** Yeah. Master Hand told us a whole lotta ‘bout it ‘imself.

 **Hogan:** Wait a minute. Didn’t he get a jar full o’ those bugs?

 **Morgan:** Bugs? Wait, you mean—

 **Lissa:** _(somewhat scared)_ D-did you say bugs? Oh, I hate those!

_(Master Hand produces a bottle full of Shadow Bugs out of nowhere. It appears on his desk.)_

**Master Hand:** This is a bottle of Shadow Bugs I have captured after Hogan and the Duck Hunt Duo defeated Morgan.

 **Robin:** _(confused)_ What do you mean? What does my son have to do with them?

 **Morgan:** I can explain, Mother. Master Hand told me a little bit about them. After being separated, I’ve wandered the Ruins trying to find you and the others, but I was attacked by something—or some _things_ , I can’t remember—and blacked out. Everything after that was fuzzy, but I remember feeling… somewhat detached from my body. I guess you could say it was as if I didn’t have a mind of my own, like I didn’t have much control over my actions. As if I was a lost spirit or something.

 **Duck:** Wait, so ya don’t really remember anythin’ when ya got taken over by the bugs and fought us or whatever ya call it?

 **Morgan:** No, not really.

 **Lissa:** Wait, those were the same things that took over me and Walhart?

 **Chrom:** Yes, Lissa. That’s why we had to defeat you, as much as I didn’t want to hurt you because you’re my sister.

 **Lissa:** _(sighs)_ Oh, Chrom. All that matters is that you saved me from those creepy little things, so just give me a chance to say thanks.

 **Chrom:** Er, you’re— _(smiles)_ you’re welcome, Lissa.

 **Walhart:** Loath I am to say this, but… you have my gratitude as well.

 **Robin:** Thanks. I’m just glad that we’re fine. But in all seriousness, I think all of us need to have a vacation or something to distract us for a while.

 **Interviewer:** Same.

 **Walhart:** An interesting proposition, Robin. What do you suppose we do?

 **Robin:** Unfortunately, I haven’t thought that far dear. I’ll think of it later.

 **Chrom:** Well, it seems that we’re done here then.

 **Master Hand:** Hm. Now that’s out of the way, everyone is dismissed. _(points to interviewer)_ Except for you.

 **Interviewer:** Uh, me?

 **Master Hand:** I have something very important to tell you. The rest of you may leave, for this is a matter between me, my brother, and our friend here.

 **Robin:** _(stands up from her chair)_ Thank you for clearing everything up, Master Hand.

 _(to the rest of the group except the interviewer)_ Let’s go.

_(Walhart, Morgan, Chrom, and Lissa stand up from their chairs and follow her as she opens the door and they leave.)_

**Hogan:** _(stands up from his chair)_ Thank you very much, Mr. Hand. _(to Duck and Duck Hunt)_ Well boys. We’re outta here.

 **Duck and Duck Hunt:** Yessir!

_(All three of them walk toward the door. Hogan closes it as they leave.)_

**Interviewer:** Wait, so why am I still here? You said you needed to tell me something important, Master Hand?

 **Master Hand:** Yes.

 **Interviewer:** Well, what is it?

 **Master Hand:** _(sighs)_ I’m sorry to say this… but it’s time for you to return to the real world.

 **Interviewer:** _(surprised)_ W-what? But I wasn’t here for very long! I mean, I’d love to stay and explore this place on my own, and all of you guys are quite interesting to know and talk to, even if everything has been pretty hectic lately.

 **Master Hand:** Yes, but because you aren’t from the Gaming Universe, you will eventually… fade away from your reality, leading for you to also disappear here.

 **Interviewer:** What do you mean? But—

 **Master Hand:** Do you have any friends? Any family?

 **Interviewer:** Yeah.

 **Master Hand:** Anything you aspire to do?

 **Interviewer:** Um, yeah?

 **Master Hand:** Then step away from the chairs for a moment.

 **Interviewer:** Um, okay? Don’t know what you’re getting to—

_(A loud snap, and the chairs disappear. The interviewer gets away just in time as a portal appears on the floor.)_

That was close!

 **Master Hand:** Indeed. Do you have everything with you?

 **Interviewer:** I’ve got my 3DS, phone, writing things… wait, how about the letters? Were those supposed to stay in this place?

 **Master Hand:** Yes.

 **Interviewer:** What’s gonna happen with them?

 **Master Hand:** They may be officially answered some time, or not. The creators and developers have the final say for everything.

 **Crazy Hand:** _(looks up from work, to interviewer)_ Listen up, kid! You play or at least know video games, yeah?

 **Interviewer:** Yeah.

 **Crazy Hand:** So quit worrying about everything that’s gonna happen here, and suck it up!

 **Master Hand:** What my brother means is that a person can always play video games and they’ll technically be in another universe. Anyone is welcome at any time, but it’s also not exactly a good idea to stay for an extended period.

 **Crazy Hand:** Yep! Anyway, no goodbyes, at least for now.

 **Interviewer:** Um, right. _(looks at portal on the floor)_ So do I just step into this thing, or do I jump into it?

 **Master Hand:** _(“shrugging” gesture)_ It doesn’t matter. I’ll only warn that you might feel dizzy after going through it.

 **Interviewer:** Thanks. Well, I guess I better get going then and see you guys later, maybe.

 **Master Hand:** Yes, perhaps we might.

 **Crazy Hand:** Welp, see you then.

 **Interviewer:** Yeah. _(breathes deeply)_ Here goes nothing.

_(She steps into the portal and disappears through it. The portal also disappears after a while, and there is a long silence in the office.)_

**Crazy Hand:** You think that interviewer will be all right?

 **Master Hand:** Yes, Crazy. I’m sure of it.


	12. Otherwise Known as the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Um… exactly as it says.

_(Location: outside of the Smash Mansion, in a nearby park that spans for many acres. Robin and Morgan are sitting on a bench while Walhart stands by his horse as it feeds on the grass.)_

**Morgan:** _(sighs)_ I wonder when the next Tournament is going to start.

 **Robin:** Soon, Morgan, though Master Hand hasn’t said anything about the exact date as of yet.

 **Morgan:** Oh.

 **Robin:** Perhaps we can return back to our world for our little vacation, but what would we do?

 **Walhart:** Please do not suggest visiting the Exalt again. Do you not remember what happened when he gave the suggestion to travel to the Outrealms?

 **Robin:** I remember that one time, Walhart. We had to fight a few bandits in—er, what was that place called again?

 **Walhart:** It was a beach.

 **Robin:** Oh, right! I think it was called the Hotrealm.

 **Walhart:** If that is where you are thinking for a retreat from all that has happened to us lately, you are mistaken, Robin.

 **Robin:** Hey, calm down big guy. I haven’t thought about going there in the first place.

 **Walhart:** Hmph. Then the matter is settled. I would prefer a place that provides a sense of solitude and less… unnecessary ogling.

 **Robin:** Oh, come on. Stop pushing the idea that I’m wanting to go to the Hotrealm simply for the swimsuits, if that’s what you’re thinking.

 **Walhart:** Need I repeat that the matter is settled?

 **Robin:** _(laughs)_ There’s no need to remind me, dear.

 **Morgan:** Why can’t we just stay here for a while instead, Mother? I was always interested in this world after hearing your stories about it.

 **Robin:** Perhaps, Morgan. Well… _(sighs)_ I guess it’s all right. After all, I’m not in a rush and I’ve been thinking of staying in this world to hear any upcoming news about the new Tournament. Do you plan to stay with me, Walhart?

 **Walhart:** Only for a while, if that satisfies you. Remember—

 **Robin:** Yes, I know. You have an entire empire to run, and you’ll have to get someone to fill in my duty as ambassador. But we can worry about that later. Now, are we going to stay and plan on having a good time, or—

 **Walhart** : Yes. We can stay.

 **Robin:**  Okay. Oh, and… I’m sorry that—

 **Walhart:**   _(puts a gauntlet-covered hand on Robin’s shoulder)_ Think about it no more, my star. It dwells in the past and therefore cannot harm us. However, I will commend you and our son again for putting me out of distress.

 **Robin:** You’re welcome, Walhart.

 **Morgan:** _(hesitantly)_ I guess so, Dad.

_(Two figures approach them; it is Chrom and Lissa.)_

**Lissa:** _(cheerfully)_ Hey, Robin! We’ve got great news!

 **Robin:** Oh! What is it, Lissa?

 **Chrom:** It looks like I’ve been accepted to the new Tournament.

 **Robin:** _(gasps, stands up from the bench)_ R-really? Did—did Master Hand really say that you’re—

 **Chrom:** Yes.

 **Robin:** Uh, I—I don’t know what to say, Chrom. _(chuckles)_ That’s great!

 **Morgan:** _(stands up from the bench)_ I’ve got to agree. I bet it will be a fantastic experience!

 **Walhart:** Congratulations, Exalt.

 **Lissa:** Yeah! And I was so surprised too! My big brother, getting to fight in a tournament… _(laughs)_ I’ll be cheering you on, Chrom! I promise!

 **Chrom:** Thanks, Sister. I’ll do my best. _(chuckles)_ Well, how about we celebrate this occasion?

 **Robin:** Sure thing, Chrom. I know a certain place in Smashville that would be excellent for something like this.

 **Chrom:** Well, then. Lead the way, Robin.

_(The five of them leave the park toward Smashville.)_

_(Meanwhile, in another multiverse…)_

_(Location: a somewhat dark alley in a futuristic city in Japan called New Port City. Time: near midnight. Events and characters: a lone person is walking in a dark alley clutching a white envelope in their hand, then takes a letter out and reads it.)_

**The unknown figure:** What the hell? “Invited to a Tournament far away”? Who thought of having me come out here at midnight just to discuss this? _(sighs)_ Well, this better be damn important.

_(They glance around the alley, then spend their time pacing back and forth and rereading the letter. They stop walking after a while.)_

That’s odd. Whoever must have sent me this should’ve appeared by now.

 _(looks at letter and sighs)_ Maybe this is just a prank, but… Hm. I wonder if it's tied to what happened the other night. I mean, it’s too much of a coincidence. Whoever we were dealing with in that situation was certainly not just your average guy. And the way he looked and his ability to shoot from his fingers like that… No, that’s impossible. He looked human, yet he sure wasn’t at the same time. It doesn’t make any sense.

 _(sighs and places a hand on forehead)_ And no records on this guy either. It’s as if he doesn’t exist. _(looks at the letter again)_ And then this thing shows up at about the same time, talking about some fighting tournament in some place. Did some analysis on it, and nothing turned up. Nothing about the location, the participants, the meaning of this circular symbol, and everything else.

 _(sighs and begins walking out of the alley)_ What the hell. Maybe this is just an elaborate prank or a bizarre scam that Section 9 is taking too seriously, or something like the Laughing Man case. Or maybe I just need to go get a drink. _(chuckles)_ Yeah, that’s probably it. It has been a long day after all.

_(They continue walking and unknowingly drop the letter and envelope.)_

_(Meanwhile, in yet another multiverse… maybe...)_

_(Location: in a room in a house. Time: midnight. Events and characters: someone is sitting on a chair by a desk, which has a computer on it.)_

**The night owl:** _(blinks a few times)_ Hm? What… What happened? _(looks at computer screen)_ Did I write this? _(reads the entire page)_ Huh. Guess it’s not that bad. It’s a pretty decent story, though I think it could be fixed. Well, guess I can spare a few minutes to relax a bit.

_(The night owl shuts down the computer and goes to sleep—)_


	13. Extra Information

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Character Profiles for "A Handful of Shenanigans."

**Interviewer:** A person who showed up unexpectedly to interview Walhart and other characters. Origins and complete identity undisclosed, though the interviewer seems to have sufficient knowledge about video games and goings-on in a few gaming communities.

**Walhart:** The former conqueror of Valm, though he’s still its current emperor. Has a rather strict and gruff personality and doesn’t seem to have much respect for gods or godlike beings (and they have little respect for him back).

**Female Robin:** A tactician that always tries to keep ahead of the game. Levelheaded and deeply cares about her husband and son.

**Morgan:** A teenage tactician that takes after his mother more than his father, though he still looks up to him as well. Likes to learn new things and usually becomes fascinated about them.

**Chrom:** The Ylissean Exalt and former leader of the Shepherds. Slightly more on the serious side, but he has his moments.

**Lissa:** Chrom’s younger sister and an adept healer. Quite cheerful and loves her older brother.

**Master Hand:** The manifestation of the creative spirit, he often takes the form of a giant, floating right hand wearing a white glove. Creative, has a penchant for being dramatic, and quite serious most of the time.

**Crazy Hand:** The manifestation of the destructive spirit, he often takes the form of a giant, floating left hand wearing a white glove. Destructive, has a penchant for being crazy, and quite ridiculous most of the time.

**Robert “Bob”/“Wild Gunman” Hogan:** An outlaw-turned-cop. Duck and Duck Hunt’s owner, and a great shot.

**Duck Hunt:** A former hunting dog that tries to prove himself. Somewhat more willing to take on challenges than Duck.

**Duck:** A duck with a rather colorful appearance. A bit of a coward, but he tries to keep up with everyone else.

**Walhart’s Horse (“Stalwart Comrade”):** Walhart’s beast of a stallion. Usually in armor and likes to eat grass.

**Mario:** One of the most famous video game characters and the face of Nintendo. He’s Italian and also one of the more experienced Smashers.

**Inkling boy:** An Inkling that has blue as his default hair color. Likes Off the Hook, has an obsession with “fresh beats”, and sometimes gets into arguments about the best music group.

**Inkling girl:** An Inkling that has orange as her default hair color. Likes the Squid Sisters, almost everything retro, and really dislikes getting into arguments about music groups.

**Pearl:** The Inkling rapper of the music duo Off the Hook. She has a tendency to use slang and is a bit short-tempered.

**Marina:** The Octoling singer and DJ of the music duo Off the Hook. She has a thing for technology and is rather sweet.

**Random Koopa Troopa:** One of the many Koopa Troopas in Bowser’s forces. He’s somewhat mature and hates it when others start random fights over petty reasons.

**Random Mii:** One of the many Miis. This one in particular seems to like fighting and has a tendency of confusing people with almost obscure information and references.

**Lakitu cameraman:** One of the many Fishin’ Lakitus, who are known for filming  _ Mario Kart _ races and adventures, as well as carrying a fishing pole around. This one also likes to help those who have fallen off race tracks.

**Captain Falcon:** A legendary racer, bounty hunter, and a Smasher. Doesn’t like it when others try to steal or mess up his catchphrases, such as “Show me your moves!”.

**Audience members:** A large crowd of attendees in a stadium. Many like to watch the fights and other events that go on in the stadium.

**Rayquaza:** The Legendary Sky High Pokémon that looks like a large green serpentine dragon that can fly. He’s stubborn, easily angered, and has a strange tendency to take naps underwater.

**Illusory Tabuu:** An illusion of a strange, blue humanoid that’s heavily associated with the Subspace Emissary.

**Illusory Ganondorf:** An illusion of the King of the Gerudo and one of the more villainous Smashers.

**Illusory Smashers:** Illusions of (almost all of the) Smashers present during the  _ Brawl _ Era.

**Male Robin:** A male version of Robin from another world in the  _ Fire Emblem _ ‘verse.

**The teen:** A mysterious teen that seems to be under the influence of a malevolent force.

**The unknown figure:** A mysterious figure that receives a letter sometime during a bizarre incident.

**The night owl:** A mysterious person that stays up late at night on the computer.


End file.
